Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tickle Me Hideous

Hey Friends, want a surefire Halloween prop to scare the begeezes out of all the kiddos who come tramping up to your door? Great, because I know exactly what will do the trick!

Ghosts? No, not ghosts. Bats? Yes, black flying rodents can be scary, but they are way over-used. Witches? They are so last (and every) year. Skeletons? Not scary, just watch a few episodes of 'America's Next Top Model' and the fright factor goes way down.

No, this Halloween if you need to bring the fright to a whole new level, you will need to get your hands on one of these guys.

Yes, a "Tickle Me Elmo"!

Lukas has developed an odd facination with Elmo that he could have only picked up from the dancing chicken Elmo at daycare - which he loves. No, Elmo had never reared his ugly head in our house before tonight. But, he caught a glance of an Elmo in a children's catalog and began immediately chanting 'Ah-mo', 'Ah-mo' (this coming only days after 'mama'). So, we decided it was time to break out the "Tickle Me Elmo" that a gracious friend had gotten for Lukas as a Christmas gift, but which we had yet to give to him (hoping we could postpone the inevitable).

At first he was very excited to see Elmo, but what was to be a fun reunion with his fuzzy red friend quickly went south. We set it down and Lukas began to dance, expecting it to 'do the chicken, bock bock bock!' Instead, Elmo rolled on the ground insanely laughing, shaking and banging its little furry red head repeatedly onto the floor.

After witnessing this seizure-like behavior, Lukas started to shake his head 'No-No'. Then, when Elmo didn't stop a look of fear crossed Lukas' face that we have only seen in bad horror flicks. You would have though TME had sprouted a pair of horns, a tail and his head had spun around. (We've only seen this look of fear on Lukas' face once before - when a scary-looking old tatooed waitress picked him up and held him at a local eatery). The horrified face, a beat, then our boy began to scream bloody murder yelling "NO! NO! NO!"

Mrs. LIAYF quickly took Lukas to the other room to dance with him. I hid TME and chucked the packaging. Lesson learned: to a toddler, TME is no less than Norman Bates meets Chucky in Texas wielding a rusty chainsaw! We hope he sleeps through the night.


SciFi Dad said...

Fast forward 25 years or so, to a scene where Lukas is in his therapist's office...

"And I don't know why, but I've always been afraid of large red furry things."

"Fear is natural Lukas. It's how our mind protects us."

"No, you don't get it. I'm afraid it will dance and then have a seizure in front of me."

"OK dude, I've heard a lot of weird shit. That is pretty fucked up."

Ed (zoesdad) said...

If there is a God in Heaven this little episode will rid your life of Elmo forever!

Anonymous said...

Get a therapist on retainer stat.

Manager Mom said...

Hey JA -

Great post, and I will cite this as evidence that Muppets are actually the linchpin a secret plot by terrorists to turn us all into drooling paranoiacs from a young age.

Also, wanted to let you know that I've shut down the blog due to my layoff, and I wanted to thank you for all of your readership and comments and all that good stuff. I would have emailed you directly but I couldn't find your email address for some reason.

Anyway, all the best, and keep on bloggin'.

Jennifer aka Manager Mom

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Scifi - Yeah, I will have to start setting aside some funds to pay for therapy! More money I don't have.

@Ed - Tough love? I like it.

@Dc - Maybe I can get some of those bailout funds sent my way.

@Manager Mom - I was sad to hear you shut down your blog and also about the job. Good luck to you Jennifer. I hope to see you visiting now and again.

Jason Roth said...

Z-Dub had the same reaction when he was first introduced to his Elmo. Later he broke his arms. Payback's a bitch.

James (SeattleDad) said...

@vegasdad - Perhaps Lukas can hire Z-dub to 'straighten out' his Elmo. Elmo's kneecaps would have to be busted as well.

Being us... said...

This post brought back memories of well.....LAST WEEK! I was pushing Jake in the cart at the local Target when we saw the display for the new Elmo that blows kisses! I turned it on, and at first Jake looked mildly amused, but them all of a sudden started chanting over and over MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA and reaching for me to save him from this creature that was trying to blow him kisses! I have now crossed this off of the Christmas list!

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Mandy - Too funy. That is obviously off our Christmas list too. Elmo is one scary dude.

Anonymous said...

Tickle Me Elmo is Evil. Why do you think it comes in that mysterious packaging?

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Mocha dad - Glad I am not the only one who thinks that way!