Friday, March 8, 2013

Baby Girl Farts: Tis The Wind and Nothing More?

I fart a lot....but I'm cute.

I have to say I 'm astonished, ASTONISHED, at how much my infant farts.

She fart when she cries.  She farts when she laughs.  She farts when she eats.  She farts when we change her.  In fact the other day while she was naked on changing table, Mrs. LIAYF turned her on her belly for a bit of tummy time and said "Look at that cute little bummy!" while giving her a gentle pat on the behind.

Then, as I leaned in close to take my look, she ripped one off right at me.  I swear I felt it graze the side of my head as it passed by.  It was one of those loud, butt cheeks flapping together ones too.  It was impressive and of course made both Mrs. LIAYF and I loose our sh$t laughing (pun intended).

I suppose 5 years later I have probably just forgotten how much gas babies have building up in their systems, but I honestly don't remember Lukas ripping off air biscuits quite like Annabelle does.

Or, perhaps I just took it as a given for a baby boy.  I'm sure I probably proudly told everyone within earshot "Oh yeah, that's my boy!" with a chuckle after my little guy would Blow his Bun Bugle as an infant.  Really though, I just don't remember it.

But come on, this is my little girl.  My adorably cute little girl!  Something is not right here.  No one told me that baby girls fart a lot, and LOUDLY too.   Honestly though, I'm not sure exactly what I expected from a girl.  I know they fart.  Everyone does.

I guess I just assumed with a girl there would be a barely audible flapping sound with no wind whatsoever.  And that the room would smell....well....better than it did before said cheese was sliced.

Maybe even like Potpourri.

Imagine my surprise then to be hit in the face, if you will, with the reality that my baby girl rips them off like a regular at a local chowder house.  Like a long haul trucker whose diet consists of coffee and microwave burritos.  Sometimes it even sees like she is making a fist and pumping her arms when it happens.  But I suppose I could be imagining that.

Right now, I'm even afraid her first complete sentence might be "Pull my finger Daddy".

I'm blaming it on the formula..  After all, Lukas was breast fed so maybe that's actually why I don't remember him having that much gas.  At least that is what I'm hoping.

All kidding aside, we do everything we can to ease our little Jelly B's comfort.  Including adding Simethicone, a bubble reducing additive, to each of her bottles.  We are seeing the results too, with less times that she seems to be in pain from her gas bubbles.  But for now it hasn't reduced the farts.

So, help me here folks.  Reassure me.  Tell me that when girls get older, it gets better.  That it's a rather quick transition between this and being very discreet about breaking their wind, as most adult of the female persuasion I know are.

Tell me this readers, because including myself and Lukas we already have plenty of championship lever farters residing in our house.

We don't need the additional competition.


daniel said...

It doesn't get better, but it could very well be part of the formula diet.

j. parrish lewis said...

It will never end, but she will get discreet eventually....

Diplo_Daddy said...

I can't believe you wrote an entire blog about this subject!

This is brilliant!

I laughed all the way through it.....

Didactic Pirate said...

I'm going to have to go back and read this post again. The first time around, I was too distracted by that incredibly cute baby person in the Penguin outfit. ERMAHGERD that's an adorable kid. How can I be expected to read words (even your awesome ones) after being taken in by the cuteness?

FilmFather said...

Make sure you get some video of her doing one of her biggest and loudest butt trumpets...then bring it out when she's 16 and her boyfriend stops over.

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Jack said...

Nope, never gets better. Don't tell my daughter I said that either, she is just about old enough to kill me. ;)

Anonymous said...

I can't say it will or won't get better as my little monkey (or penguin) is younger than yours. I can say the phenomenon isn't exclusive to formula fed babies as we get fart serenaded over here and some of her efforts are forceful enough that she can wake herself up!