The concern was real. Lukas was tired. He didn't need something like this to jeopardize his precious sleep. But there it was, big (gigantic really), loud and ugly.
We were getting Luke ready for his bath when it appeared, menacingly present as we lowered our boy into the tub. After a couple of annoying close range fly-bys, I realized what must be done. This behemoth was not going to make it into our son's room as we closed the door for the evening and put him down into his peaceful slumber. No, he could not be allowed to harass my little guy all night!
Thinking quickly on my feet, I grabbed an old magazine (most likely a catalog for kids products), and rolled it into a tight, rigid tube in my trustee right. Deprived of many manly pursuits since the birth of my son, my adrenaline level jumped as I prepared my body for what was to come. This was war. This was personal. This horsefly had to DIE!
In a brilliant first move, I grabbed the bathroom door and shut it almost without thinking. Yes, it was now to be a cage match between myself and my hideous opponent. I could sense that he also understood what this meant, as he did another fly-by to size me up. He must have realized that if he landed his life would be mine in one swift stroke of death, because he continued to circle the bathroom, hoping against hope that I would wear myself out first. But I played my hand in a different way, friend. Yes, I guarded that door rock solid, not flinching, waiting for my opponent to make his mistake. And make a mistake he most certainly would!
But he continued to bob and weave, light on his wings, after a while running on what must have been pure adrenaline. He was Frazier to my Ali, continuing to circle me, back and forth, looking for a knockout punch, while I hung out on the ropes and patiently waited for that moment when he would finally wear himself down. He would float like a butterfly, but I would sting like a bee.
After what seemed like an eternity he slowed. This was my chance. I would not let this opportunity pass me by. I raised my right, slowly. Trying to anticipate the very spot he would touch down so I'd have the death blow on the way a fraction of a second earlier.
I heard it at that very moment. The unmistakable sound of a window sliding open. Mrs. LIAYF tired of waiting and watching. How could this be? He did not hesitate. Seeing his life handed back to him, Frazier pivoted on a dime and made tracks for the open window, flying off peacefully into the night.
Leaving me there to ponder what might have been.