The Saddest Place on Earth

Mrs. LIAYF and I were Spring cleaning this weekend, so we decided to load up some items from our overstuffed garage and take them to the local thrift store to be donated.

And, whenever we drop items off, we always have to go in and look for books. While Mrs. LIAYF started perusing those, I took Lukas back to the furniture dept to see if we could find a couple of vintage school house chairs (an ongoing search). It was there, next to the furniture section, where it seemed an invisible swirling vortex - in an instant - sucked the smiles off of our faces as well as the joy from our hearts.

We are all aware that Disneyland is considered the Happiest Place on Earth, but at that moment I suspected we had quite possibly discovered Disneyland's long hypothesized and sought after counterbalance, The Saddest Place on Earth.

We had arrived at....the Goodwill stuffed toy bins.

It would be difficult to adequately describe the overall level of patheticness of the toys which resided in these bins, many of which seemed as if they had been sitting there staring, with hope in their hearts, out at the uninterested bargain hunters since the Nixon Administration. A quick once over revealed:

A black and white penguin, with a large and obnoxious red and white plaid bow tie, which by all accounts seemed to be screaming "WHHHHY?"

A grungy panda bear holding a big read heart bearing the words "Love You" between his paws. Obviously, this was not the enduring symbol of lasting love that some poor sap had figured it might be.

A dirty and crusty Nemo fish doll which seemed to be experiencing one of those 'alternate realities'. One in which being flushed down that toilet in that Finding Nemo movie hadn't lead him to the ocean, but rather through a winding maze of sewer systems and ultimately here to this bin.

A once white harp seal pup which, if could be brought to life, would probably plead "Please club me or something already, but just make the pain stop!"

A large mint green stuffed martini glass complete with toothpick, olive, and fuzzy dice which read '"Feeling Lucky?" on the side. I'm sure it had once held out hope that someone would come along who would answer this question in the affirmative.

There was also a stuffed Brian, the dog from The Family Guy complete with a tuxedo and top hat, who had a look of utter resignation on his face. As if he somehow knew he was doomed to sit there in that musty smelling bin for eternity.

And those weren't all, there were also many, many other stuffed beasts. Some so ridiculous they would have simply made me laugh out loud upon seeing them, if it hadn't been so unbelievably sad to see them shoved in tight with all their grubby compatriots.

Somehow, I don't see Fuax Leather Copper Bear or Strange Red Beast finding a home anytime soon. Sad!

In fact, this place was so unbelievably depressing, it could make The Island of Misfit Toys seem like just another Love Boat cruise ship stop in the Caribbean.

Trying to look on the bright side for these stuffed toys, I do suppose this Island of Sad Toys did come with a pre-made Martini. And who knows, if I had been brave enough to dig around, I might have even found a stuffed Issac the Bartender doll amidst the other dingy occupants.

He might even have been holding a sign that read "Climb aboard...We're expecting you."

Relax...I do it!

Happy Friday everyone!

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Why is it so happy? Well, I know it's a 3 or 4 day weekend for many of you, but for me it is also the final 4 days of my vacation. Mrs. LIAYF, Lukas, and I have spent the past week taking it easy and hanging out here, in our city. It's been another Seattle staycation.

Yes, the weather has been so so, but most of the days have had nice enough periods for us to take bike rides, hang out on the beach, and take walks in our neighborhood. And, unlike some vacations where we are attempting to cram too many events into too little time, this one has been extremely relaxing.

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Plus, Lukas has slept in until nearly 9:00 AM most mornings giving me time to catch up on some much needed shuteye.

But the very best part of it all has been the extra time I have had to spend with my wife and son. Especially Lukas, who is at an age where everything is exciting and new. We have so much fun hanging out, reading, exploring, and laughing together. It's almost hard to believe he will one day want as much distance as he can get from me, but I know it will eventually happen.

For now though, I am going to continue to enjoy these last few days of my vacation, having all kinds of fun with my little guy. Seriously, I haven't laughed this much in years.

By the way, today I have posted over at DadRevolution about potty training, trust, and peeing in public.

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If you get a chance, I'd appreciate your weighing in and letting me know if you think we made the correct call.

West Coasters

It would be a colossal stretch to call myself a thrill seeker, but truth be told I do love it when I get the rare opportunity to experience a physical event out of my normal comfort zone. I'm pretty sure this would explain why I have always loved riding roller coasters.

In fact, for years I have dreamed of planning a vacation centered solely around traveling to different amusement parks, where I would ride the biggest, fastest, and most physically thrilling coasters the country had to offer. Forget lying on a beach for a week with a cold drink in my hand (however, this would come in an extremely close second) to me, this would be the ultimate way to spend a couple of weeks off from work.

The problem is that there has been one fairly substantial obstacle to my fulfilling this dream vacation.

Mrs. LIAYF.

My lovely wife, as fun loving as she is, has a slight issue with motion sickness. Ok, truth be told it's not at all slight and it precludes her from joining me on all but the mildest of these rides meant to bring thrills to the masses. How bad is it? I remember one occasion shortly after we were dating where we rode a super twister at a Kentucky amusement park we were visiting. Perhaps to impress me, girlfriend LIAYF agreed to ride with me on this super coaster, which took the riders on several 360 degree loops before depositing us suddenly back where we had started.

I yelled at the top of my lungs with excitement the whole ride, cherishing every twist and turn that it offered. Then, a couple of minutes later upon exiting I, with a huge smile on my face, turned to see her reaction. Nothing short of a ghostly apparition stared back at me! I instinctively reached to put a hand on her shoulder to see how she was doing, and was greeted with a firm "DON'T TOUCH ME!" as she made her way to the nearest bench for the next several minutes.

Needless to say, that was the end of my dream of a joint Mega Coaster vacation with my lovely, soon to be bride. Since then, I had almost completely given up the notion of such a fun-filled getaway. That was until Monday. On Monday Mrs. LIAYF, Lukas, and I visited a local kid centered farm and amusement park just outside Seattle.

And even though it was only a coaster geared towards the under 10 set, it was a super coaster to Lukas, and it was there that my dream of someday conquering the countries biggest coasters was given brand new life.

Working the Heavy Bag

Of the many wonderful things I can say about Mrs. LIAYF, one is that she is usually prepared for just about anything.

Now, being adequately prepared for multiple situations is a great thing, especially when you have a little person traveling along with you. However, I had been doing my share of grumbling under my breath recently about the size of the bag my beautiful wife was packing to bring along with us. Even in those instances when we were merely traveling a few blocks to complete errands this bag would accompany us.

Not only did the over the shoulder bag in question contain one full change of clothes, but it also included another short and long sleeve shirt, a fleece hoodie, a gallon sized plastic bag filled with spare underwear, diaper rash cream, wipes, and first aid supplies. Add to that a bento box filled with spare snacks, and a front zippered pocket which stored our camera, her wallet and cell phone, hand sanitizing lotion, checkbook (yes we still have one), bib clips, sunglasses, two to three tubes of sunblock, a toy car or two, and at least one board book.

But that wasn't all. To top it all off, the pockets on either end of the bag contained an umbrella and Lukas' full 20 oz water bottle! I'm fairly certain that if there had been a natural disaster, or perhaps even a apocalyptic terrorist attack nearby, we would have been well enough equipped to ride out the initial shock waves for days wherever we happened to be positioned at the time.

Why was I grumbling? Well, who do you think was designated to carry around this ever increasingly heavy bag which, by the way, was starting to bust at its canvas seams?

Bingo! It was yours truly, Sherpa Dad.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this felt like carrying a bowling ball on my back and was beginning to give me a serious back ache. I probably would have been better off if we had just packed all of these provisions into one of those large backpacks you see serious hikers sporting when leaving for a week in the bush. At least then the weight would have been evenly distributed, not just slung over my shoulder pulling all my back muscles out of whack.

I do, however, think my protests are beginning to find an audience with Mrs. LIAFY. Plus, she has had more opportunities recently to spend time out and about with only herself and Lukas which had obviously emphasized the point of how heavy and awkward the bag had actually gotten.

The fortuitous result of this manifested itself a couple of nights ago when I came home from work to find Mrs. LIAYF and Lukas waiting for me to arrive so we could head out for a trip to our local grocery store.

Though it needed a bit of adjusting, Lukas - with a big smile - was proudly sporting this more sparsly provisioned bag with only the most essential items:

Let me tell you, that was one extremely liberating trip to the grocery store.

The City I live in...

Inspired by a recent post by Matt over at DC Urban Dad - about 5 random things he loves about his city - I have decided to create my own list of 5 things that I love about my city: Seattle.

It's certainly not a comprehensive list, but here goes:

1. The Coffee - Maybe I'm a caffeine junkie because I live in the Northwest, or perhaps it it just because I don't get enough sleep, but whatever the reason I live in the what can be argued is the coffee capital of the world. Seattle is the birthplace of coffee giants Starbucks, Tully's, and the aptly named Seattle's Best Coffee and there are plenty of these coffee shops littered thoughout the city. But beyond that there are also multitudes of other smaller coffee roasters, shops, and drive through stands which will serve you a world class cup of Joe made the way you want it.

2. The Music Scene - Seattle is best known musically for being the birthplace of Grunge, and many of bigger bands such as Pearl Jam, Mudhoney, Alice in Chains, and (once again Soundgarden) are still going strong today. But Seattle still has one of the best and most diverse music scenes in the country, producing a slew of recent big name acts such as Band of Horses, Fleet Foxes, Modest Mouse, and Death Cab for Cutie. Plus there are literally thousands of other quality bands and musicians here, many playing free venues around the city. You never have to go far to hear great music.

3. The Natural Beauty - Surrounded by the Olympic Mountains to the West, the Cascade range to the East, and Puget Sound and the San Juan Islands to the North, living in Seattle means that we are never more than a short drive away from exploring nature in some of it's most spectacular manifestations.

4. The Words - In short, Seattle is the most literate city in America. We do a lot of sitting with a hot cup of coffee and reading out here. I love that this level of literacy shows in the daily conversations I have with the people in my neighborhood.

5. The Weather - People talk a lot about how it rains a lot in Seattle. True, it does, but I have to tell you that it's not that bad. The temperatures are mild, the humidity is low, and when the sun comes out there is nowhere on earth where I would rather live.

So there you have it, 5 things about my city that I love. What about you? What do you love about Seattle, or about where you live?

I would love to hear from you.

The Poke

It was sunny, warm, and pleasant this past Saturday evening in Seattle while Mrs. LIAYF, Lukas and I were out for a stroll through our neighborhood business district.

In fact, it was the kind of Spring evening which convinced many of the local restaurants that it was time to open their windows to the passing world, letting the sounds and smells of their early evening meals drift outward to snare unsuspecting passersby into their deep-fried web of enticing comfort food.

As we passed by our favorite eating establishment we were quickly rendered nearly powerless by the allure it presented. Though we tried our best to resist eating out once again, a large empty table by an open window and a quick check of my watch, which revealed it to be 5:45PM, sealed the deal.

It was still Happy Hour!

Although Lukas was a bit fidgety and didn't want to stay in his chair - preferring to crawl under the table every few moments to search for various items meant to distract him that he had dropped - Mrs. LIAYF and I sipped our $2.50 pints of Manny's pale ale, ate our chicken quesadillas, and enjoyed the ambiance that the atmosphere provided. A little while later, while we chatted about the day, I raised my pint glass to finish off my first beer.

It was then that I felt an unsuspecting jab in my ribcage.

It wasn't overly hard or painful, but it definitely caught my attention. I immediately looked to my left where, on the passing sidewalk, stood a boy perhaps a bit older than Lukas. He had a big smile on his face and an outstretched finger!

Upon seeing this, his mother who had been distracted tending to a younger child, was suddenly struck with a horrified look on her face. She came running over and pulled the boy away. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed as she backed the boy away with an obvious grimace of displeasure on her face.

Mrs. LIAYF and I simply looked at each other for a moment, taking in what had transpired...then began to simultaneously laugh out loud at the situation.

"No, no - it's ok. Really!" I explained to her, still smiling at my wife as I stuck out my thumb and pointed it towards a still distacted Lukas.

"We completely understand."

Can I at Least Get a Belly Rub?

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away ago, SeattleDad was just a single dude looking for good advice anywhere he could find it.

Way back then before he....er I, was married, there sat on my bookshelf - amongst a sea of self help books - a book called The Aladdin Factor. Perhaps you have heard of it. It's from those Chicken Soup dudes.

No?

Well the premise of The Aladdin Factor boiled down to the simple notion that in order to get things in life, you have to ask. You want a late payment fee waived? Ask for it. You want a lower bid on an item or project? It doesn't hurt to ask. You want an opportunity to advance at work? You NEED to ask. These things are not going to happen on their own and in truth most people have a difficult time saying no. It's not in their makeup.

It's actually not a bad concept. That is if you can get over feeling like an asshat for asking for freebies or handouts. In truth I have never been too good at that.

Kids, however, are masters at this game. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I looked under Lukas' crib mattress and found a tattered and dog eared version of The Aladdin Factor. He seems to have the finer points of this 'Factor' down to a science.

"Mommy, can I watch a video?" "Not right now son." "Daddy, can I watch a video?" "Not right now. Maybe later." "Mommy, I've been so good today, can I watch a video?" "Ah Honey you have been good today, but we need to eat first." "Daddy, I've had dry underwear all day. Can I watch a video?" "Oh, alright then (getting nod from Mrs. LIAYF). But just one." "Oh, thank you. Thank you!!"

"Daddy, can I have ice cream?"....Well, you get the point.

My little guy doesn't seem to be discouraged by the word NO. He just steps back, regroups, and tries asking for it from a different angle. Let me tell you, it takes a whole lot of parental fortitude to hold your line against such a barrage of requests. Especially when a whole lot of cuteness is bundled up along with them.

I wonder if the authors of The Aladdin Factor would mind if I created my own spin on their self help book. I could call it The Toddler Factor.

Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask.

PayPal Credit Winner

I had 55 comments in my 1st ever giveaway. $50 in PayPal Credit. To Select the winner, I went to Random.org:

Congratulations to: TempestBeauty

And thanks to all who took the time to leave a comment.

Public Display

Do you remember your first crush on an older member of the opposite sex? Did it make YOU act all goofy?

I'm not sure I remember my first crush, but I do distinctly remember being under 5 and having a certain babysitter who tucked me in several times one particular night. I kept calling her back into the room on account of her being soooo pretty. To this day I still don't know who she was, but hold a warm place in my heart for her and her angelic smile.

Lukas, on the other hand, may just be experiencing his first such crush before the tender age of three, in the form of our next door neighbor (we will call her Ruby). Our house and Ruby's house sit very close to one another and we both have western facing decks out back.

Lukas has taken particular notice of Ruby. Always trying to get her attention.

In fact, last night as we prepared dinner, our son struck up a conversation across the fence with this blond haired woman of the world (she is in kindergarten now). She responded by handing him a pea from their spring garden. He ate it up all giddy with excitement as he stepped into the kitchen to show Mrs. LIAYF and I what she had given him.

"Did you thank her?" I asked him, at which point her ran out onto the deck and yelled a loud "THANK YOU!" at the fence. This was immediately followed by perhaps the most spontaneous but awkward display that I have ever witnessed.


Lukas, smiling widely and apparently unable to control himself, started to burst forth with energy from within. His voice screeched, his head shook, his feet bounced up and down sideways while his arms which were curled under his armpits like chicken wings flapped up and down out of control. It was as if he were a mental patient trying imitate a chicken doing a hoe down. Then, as a sort of grand finale, he let his feet go from beneath him in an instant and did a hard plop down on both knees. Then, still smiling he jumped up and ran back into the kitchen where his mother and I stood still trying to make out what we had just witnessed.

"Lukas, do you like Ruby?...." Mrs. LIAYF asked him. "Yeah, I do!" he replied, his cheeks still flush from his impressive display of talent. "Well Buddy, you might want to try a different angle" I chuckled and patted him on the head while his mother and I exchanged amused glances.

It was shortly thereafter that our little guy proceeded back out onto the deck. "Ruby!" he call out. "Yes Lukas?" she responded.

"You're beautiful."

Balancing Acts

A couple of weeks ago Mrs. LIAYF and I, along with Lukas, walked into Seattle's Alki Bike and Board to have a look around. Lukas, of course, thought all of the shiny new bicycles were pretty cool.

To that point he had been only riding around on his tricycle, which he was beginning to pedal with ease, but was always fascinated when he saw a one of the bigger kids in the neighborhood riding by on their 2 wheel model.


Then, Mrs. LIAYF spotted what she recognized as a balance bike on a high shelf. The balance bike has no pedals and is designed to be an alternative to teaching a kid to ride a bike using training wheels. They sit on it and scoot along with their feet, which they also use to learn how to properly balance a two wheeled bicycle.

When we pulled it down to have a closer look, Lukas was extremely excited by it. "Wow!" he exclaimed. Not only was it red - his absolute favorite color - but it was also adorned with rockets. It was a Lil Rocket model made by Sun and the seat was emblazoned with a fiery rocket which was, by all accounts, on its way to the Moon.

It didn't take my lovely wife too much time to convince me that this was our son's perfect 3rd birthday gift. We then also quickly decided it would be an early birthday present since none of us wanted to leave the shop without it.

Since then Lukas has, in short order, become a champion balance bike rider. We have already spent many days out in the neighborhood and on the boardwalk at Seattle's Alki Beach giving him the opportunity to ride along on a flat surface. I have to give props to Mrs. LIAYF for quickly instilling in him the proper caution when it comes to driveways and streets, but when he does get onto an open stretch he can already build up impressive speed.

So far it has been amazing to see the number of people who stop to look and then ask about the bike. The concept is relatively new, so apparently not a lot of people have heard of these pedal-less bikes before.

We are pretty sure that this whole excercise will have our son riding a pedal bike without training wheels much earlier than he would have otherwise been able to without the benefit of the Lil Rocket. For now though the hard part will be for these 40 plus year old knees to keep up with our little lightning on wheels!

By the way, I am discussing a balancing act of my own in my second post at Dad Revolution, which was posted this morning. If you get a chance, go check it out.

Happy Mother's Day 2010

To the two most perfectly amazing mother's I know...

And to all of the other wonderful mothers out there reading this post:

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

We dad's are certainly a lucky bunch of saps. And, if I could be so bold as to speak for dad's everywhere, I would just like to say thanks for all you do.

We appreciate every bit of it.

My 1st Giveaway - $50 PayPal Gift Card

Hello readers. I'm excited because it's time for my very first giveaway here at 'Luke, I am Your Father'. And it's just in time for Mother's Day.

Ok, technically by the time a winner is selected it will be too late to use for Mother's Day, but if you are still looking for last minute gifts before Sunday, head over to the Official PayPal Shopping site to see the deals they are offering. I was impressed with the number and variety of things they had to offer.

As for the giveaway, the winner will receive $50 in PayPal credit to use however they see fit. All you have to do to enter is to leave a comment on this post by May 13th. A winner will be chosen at random on Friday May 14th.

And, like any good blog giveaway, you can receive additional entries by subscribing to my RSS Feed, or Tweeting a link back to this post and mentioning @SeattleDad in the tweet. Just leave a separate comment here letting me know that you did so. Please also leave an e-mail where you can be contacted.

Winner must be a resident of the U.S or Canada.

So that's it. This is a bit of a test run for me, and depending on how it goes I may or may not hold additional giveaways.

Let me know what you think.

Recycling Day

It is time once again to do my recycling. Or, perhaps more accurately, to bring bring it back from the curb. This is where I give some of my more humorous 'barely used' Twitter tweets a new chance at life.

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Here is the original installment: Recycled Humor I

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Remember, one mans trash is another mans treasure.

This morning at Starbucks I pointed to the Barista, and afterwards the rumor circulated that I had called my shot.

Really enjoyed the episode of LOST we streamed last night. It was the one where they were trudging through the jungle.

Just gave 2yo a Pirate bandage. I want a 'Frosty Ale' bandage the next time I get an owie.

2yo to Harpist "What is that red string?" Harpist "That is my G-String" Dad tries hard to stifle chuckle.

I need to hire a Hitbird to take care of a little 'problem' outside my bedroom window.

If I had a hot tub time machine, I'd travel back to a time when I'd look better getting out of it.

Kicked a round pinecone 'ball' along the sidewalk for 2 city blocks on my walk to work this AM. Got some odd looks, but it was FUN.

A 2yo with a watering can is a dandelions best friend.

Seriously? Mail from the AARP? I have a 2yo! (Shakes fist and grumbles under breath)

Drinking mint tea with a Red Vine straw. Admit it, you're jealous.

If only we could all be so excited about an orb of purple latex filled with our parents hot air...

2yo: "Look I can eat my toes!" (sticking toes in mouth) Me: "What does that taste like buddy?" 2yo: "Ooooh, It tastes sour" (making face)

Seattle garbage workers on strike. No worries. City plans to cover us with Garbage Scabs.

My grill is like Ken Griffey Jr. After a few too many steaks and a stellar career, it's In its final season with the home team.

Just Base Jumped off my office chair. After another cup of coffee. I'm such a thrill junkie.

My son's fake crying is so unconvincing that I'm pretty sure he would be in contention as a child actor in the next George Lucas film.

If I don't get a break to get coffee soon, I may just go all Smoke Monster on someone.

2yo swirling peas in his mouth. "My mouth is juggling!"

Just got a call from sick employee. Called from doctors office & read printoff "Not sure what this means, but I have I-N-F-L-U-E-N-Z-A"

2yo - passing the grocery beer aisle" "Look, Daddy Medicine!"

2 1/2 yo upon hearing himself fart: "Sounds like construction workers are drilling a hole in my bum"

The nap has ended. I will go in peace to love and serve the child.

Dingo drank my coffee!

Beginning to expect im a clone created to get through late nights & potty training while the real SeattleDad lies unaged in a stasis chamber.

My 2yo is so good at pushing the envelope, a FedEx scout just showed up to watch our bedtime routine.

I'm thinking the Stiff Arm might be another powerful tool to use around the office.

It just dawned on me that there is nothing out of the ordinary I'd do for a Klondike Bar.

If people were summarized by Starbucks drinks, I'd be a Grande Americano with a lot of whip and not enough shots.

Spring Training on the Grill. Fumbled with the match for a couple of strikes then got a facial fireball.
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Hey, If a horse hauls your ass through the desert, at least have the courtesy to name the beast. Just sayin.

Told my son "You're going to turn into a Peanut Butter sandwich" Sure wife will one day yell at me : "You're going to turn into an Ale!"

Was just sorting a client mailing. 'Corn' came directly after 'Cobb'. Yes, I put it on top.

Everyday Heros

Forget Superman. Batman? Not necessary.

Spiderman? Rambo? Mad Max? No, we don't need them around our house.

Ghostbusters? Nope. When Lukas is in trouble, who do you think he's going to call? For Daddy or Mommy, of course. Ok, so mostly he cries in these situations. But Mrs. LIAYF or I come always come running to rescue him from whatever fix he has gotten himself into, and we always make things better.

Apparently to a 2 1/2 year old this qualifies us for super status.
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For example, just yesterday I heard a desperate cry come from Lukas' bedroom. I dropped everything immediately and ran in to find...nothing. Then I heard him cry again. He was under the crib. I peered underneath to find him lying there one leg propped in the air, his sock was caught in the wire springs that hold up the mattress. I reached in and quickly freed the sock, bringing an instant end to the cries.

"Yay Daddy!! You saved me. You saved me!" He kept repeating over and over, with a look of reverence on his face.

I patted his head and told him "That's what daddy's are here for son."

Of course, this work is not always glamorous. A few days ago Mrs. LIAYF called me into the bathroom and handed me the plunger. Apparently Lukas, as small as he is, can still manage to do enough of his business to clog up the upstairs toilet.

My son intently watched as I worked the suction cupped stick up and down a few times, all the while with a noticeable grimace on my face, until at last the clog was cleared. Then as the toilet drained I caught a glimpse of my little guy standing there with his hands up in the air and a huge smile across his face.

"Yay daddy. You're a hero! You're a HERO!" he exclaimed. This instantly brought a smile to my face as I raised the plunger over my head in triumph. This was short lived, as a couple of drips rained down on me, but the mood still remained fun.

Let me tell you. Life would be a heck of a lot more tolerable if we all had a little person following us around, cheering our everyday accomplishments. I'm sure that soon enough Lukas will find some media generated hero to look up to. But, until then I will revel in the fact that between us, Mrs. LIAYF and I make up our own super version of The Justice League.

Now, all I need is a cape and a cool gadget belt. And who knows, Mrs. LIAYF may just get an invisible jet for Mother's Day.