Friday, January 21, 2011

Choosing My Mob Name

Happy Friday Readers.  -I did something yesterday I don't do often these days.  Listen to the news.  And, as it happens and I'm sure you are aware, the story of the day yesterday was a fairly interesting one with the sweeping arrest of 127 mafia figures in the Northeastern United States.  Big news indeed. 

As they always do, the list of charges named against these Fellas included Racketeering. Now, I have to admit that in all the years I have been listening to news reports of charges against alleged mobsters, I've never actually had a grasp of what that term means.  Of course, by deduction I have a notion. 

That being said, it actually sounds more like a game you'd find guys with names like Chip and Carmichael engaging in at the local Country Club.  Maybe that is why these alleged figures fight these charges so hard.  I'm sure no street boss worth his salt wants that kind of distinction listed on his rap sheet.

But what was even more interesting to me was listening to the reports of the mob names of some of those indicted. Among them "Roc", "Jack the Whack", "Johnny Banana", Vinny Carwash", and "The Claw".  Great stuff!  I love nicknames like these.  Only the longest of my readers will remember the post I did about our nicknames for Lukas

There were many, including his Medieval name - Lukie Longshanks - my personal favorite.  However, also listed was his very own mob name, Lukie the Prune Faced Boy. We still use it, but Jam has now replaced Prune as his check decoration of choice.

Anyway, all the talk of colorful names left me longing for my very own mob name. So, I did a quick Google search and found a Mafia Name Generator, which only further proves there is a website for everything.  Getting excited, at the prompt for my name I typed in what those close to me refer to me as: Jim.  Mere seconds later, I had myself my very own gangster name.  What was it?

Drum roll......

Jake Costanza


Huh?? At first I was obviously skeptical, and a bit disappointed.  Even Mrs. LIAYF was given Jumpy Carlota, although it had nothing to do with her name.  I had expected a more colorful version of my own name to be spit out.  Something like Jimmy the Finger or even Jimmy Crack Bones.  But Jake Costanza? Was that even a legit mob name? 

But then it dawned on me. Maybe it was after all.  Could this mean I was given a name from New York's infamous Costanza crime family?  Being accepted as one of their own?  Would a cover job at Vandelay Industries be far behind?

But would I have the stomach for such a name?  I had heard rumors that thier Don, Papa Frank, is a powder keg with a reputed short fuse - confirmed when I found the clip below: Video from everywhere!

How would I ever tell THIS MAN that I was a huge fan of Jay Buhner as a Seattle Mariner?

Smartly, In the end I decided just to stick with Jimmy the Finger.

So tell me readers.  What is your mob name?


Otter Thomas said...

You combined two of my favorite things in a post. The mafia and Seinfeld. Then you linked to my favortie Frank Costanza moment of all time. You have now reached rock star status in my world.

I went to the name generator and I swear this is what they gave me. "Da Hung Daddy." I'm proud. But it sounds more like a porn name than a gangster name.

Mrs. M said...

I like your name way better than the 2 I got: My full name including middle came up with "whipped bastard" and then with just my first and last name I got "Good-Ass German Fool". Hmmmmm I am thinking not a lot of logic goes into these name assignations.

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Otter - Sounds like we have a lot in common, which is cool.

@Mighty M - That didn't make sense so I checked the link. It was wrong. I think you were getting the wrong kind of Gangster name. Anyway, it should be different if you tried again. Sorry!

Unknown said...

You are a funny man! Jimmy The Finger is much better!!

I'm now a new follower! Pop over to bigwords if you ever get a chance.

* rushes off to find out mobster name *

feefeelarue said...

This is all so cute. I grew up in the Bronx and being Italian people were never called by their real names. We had Vinny the butcher, Frankie pastrami, Mickey the meat, etc ... usually indicating what they did for a living. I agree Jimmy the Finger is a way cooler name .. mine? Sheila Leathernuts .. Really?? Since my name is felicia i would LOVE to know how they came up with that LOL.

Juli said...

I got "Big Assed Jackie Rossi"... I think the thing just called me fat.

And I could totally see you as a Castanza... "Festivus Now!!!!"

Lady Mama said...

Lidia Gravano.... I'm not sure what to make of it, not being up on my knowledge of gangsters and all.

Jack Steiner said...

Jack DaDude

Rachael said...

That thing told me that my Mafia name is Butter Knife Nicola. Which I think is kind of funny. But I think I'll go with Wanda the Weasel. Because it's funnier.

I am constantly astonished by the fact that the mafia is something that actually exists and there are gangsters and thugs and all of that still out there. How weird.

Papa K said...

No lie. The damn thing told me my mob name is "Kids Incorporated"... WTF?

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Bigwords - Thanks. I will be over for a visit henceforth.

@feefee Sheila Leathernuts? LOL! I'm glad they didn't name me after what I do. Elsewise I would be 'Jimmy the Ass in the office chair all day' or something like that.

@Julianna - Ok that made me laugh. Thanks for that!

@Lady Mama - The Gravano's? Only the biggest mob family North of Alaska. I think they are at least.

@Jack - Tell me you made that up.

@Rachael - I know. And I like Wanda the Weasel. But I like Butter knife better. Sounds a lot like Butter Bean, which I like too. I am a Butter fan.

@Papa K - Sounds like a diaper store.

FilmFather said...

They call me...Gino Rubberneck.

Well, I do slow down to gawk at car accidents...

Modern Dadfare said...

I've been a reader for some time now, but this is the first comment I've left. Very funny stuff.

I tried the Mafia name generator. I tried just my first name and then first and last and got wildly different results.

"Painfully Shy Leo" for just my first name. And "Swollen Ralphie Gravano" for my first and last. I think I'll go with the second one.

PJ Mullen said...

Apparently I'm "Third Leg" Mario. Not exactly sure what to make of that.