Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It's A Scratch!

I received quite a few concerned looks at work Monday morning, as I arrived sporting a rather nasty looking facial wound.  It was a nearly 3 inch long deep scratch -still red - that ran from just below the middle of my lower lip to the bottom of my chin.

Mostly, I just played it straight, leaving my co-workers not quite sure whether or not to inquire as to what sort of 'situation' left me looking so physically gnarly.  But when they did ask I tried, in all seriousness, to give a good story.  My answers included:

I got into a knife fight at a bar on Saturday with a mouthy New Orleans Saints fan.

Biopsy.  Turns out I don't have chin cancer after all.

I tried to steal a piece of Gazelle carcass from a pack of feasting Hyenas.

I got a shave and a haircut. My barber turned out to be Freddy Kruger.

But mostly, if they stared at me for a while I would just say "You should have seen the Raccoon!"

Then, inevitably I would have to tell them the truth which was that I tried to come between a Mama Bear and  her cub.

I was playing chase with Lukas and telling him I was going to "GET HIM" so he ran over to Mrs. LIAYF giggling and said "Save me Mommy. Save me from the Monster."

Apparently she took him seriously, as she stuck her hand out at just the same time I was lunging my face towards him, resulting in her nails scooping up large chunks of my chin skin during the impact. There is always that moment of pause before the pain sets in. 

Yeah, it was ugly as blood gushed everywhere for a moment.  Who knew participatory parenting could be so dangerous? To her credit, Mrs. LIAYF must have apologized a hundred times.  She felt awful.

But not as awful as I did when she squirted the liquid Neosporin into the wound. 

Non-Stinging my ass.  At least we ALL  had a good laugh at my expense.


SciFi Dad said...

Dude, a post like this deserves, nay DEMANDS photographic evidence, and not a stock photo of a bear.

Lady Mama said...

It's true, a mother's instincts are a force to be reckoned with.

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Scifi - I took a few but....wasn't thrilled with the images. So this is what you get.

@Lady Mama - Yes. It was all instinct. And happened in an instant.

elysabeth said...

I love your comparison of a mama bear and her cub - instinct just happened to get in the way of your chin - lol. The other excuses were pretty funny too. As long as you playe it straight, I'm sure folks believed you. Just found your blog from Educated Abroad's blog comment on the 1 pounds motorcycle ride - - I'd like to email subscribe to your blog but I didn't see any email subscriber - Mrs. E :)

Elysabeth Eldering
Author of the Junior Geography Detective Squad, 50-state, mystery, trivia series

Where will the adventure take you next?


Barbara L said...

At the very least we need a photo. Not sure if I believe the wife did this whole thing, sure it wasn't an alien abduction?

Otter Thomas said...

Mom's take that protection thing seriously no matter who the attacer is. I'm more likely to get hurt by Braden though. He is a rough one.

Diplo_Daddy said...


May I ask the obvious question on everyone's mind: Did your wife break a nail?

Didactic Pirate said...

I'm with Sci Fi Dad: post photo, or it didn't happen.

But assuming it did happen... ouch. P.S. I'd still go with a story about a knife fight next time someone asks. More manly.

Ordinary Dad said...


James (SeattleDad) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
James (SeattleDad) said...

@Didactic - I took your advice and fixed the post.

elysabeth said...

Hope you aren't using any scented (perfumed) or mentholated shaving gel or cream to shave with. That will really burn all the way to the tips of your toes. Or maybe you won't be shaving for a few days. It looks like it really did hurt. It will heal in time and your son has something on file that will be a forever reminder of what happens when playing runs into mama bear - lol - Mrs. E ;)

Elysabeth Eldering
Author of the Junior Geography Detective Squad, 50-state, mystery, trivia series

Where will the adventure take you next?


goodfather said...

Dude, it is your red badge of courage, your parental battle damage... ;)

A pic would be awesome, but only because we've all been there. It's kind of like rolling up your sleeve at a tattoo convention. :D

Jack said...

A knife- I am thinking Crocodile Dundee type.

Captain Dumbass said...

I would have gone with the Saints fan. You could have milked that one for awhile.

Anonymous said...

I'd definitely stick with the Saints fan story :)

Keith Wilcox said...

Family fun somehow always turns into a trip to the emergency room! But, you're right, the female's of our species, while less athletically gifted, have a way of inflicting damage on anything or anybody who threatens their offspring -- friendly or not! haha :-) I have a hole in my back from a biopsy that I tell everyone is a bullet wound!

Semper Fi Momma said...

I agree with all those pushing for a photo, and for the same reasons goodfather stated.

We've all had those moments. At least save the picture and put it in your kids baby book so some day you can show him and tell the story of how Mommy whooped your... I mean of how protective Mommy can be. :)