Tweetcycling VI

I just realized that it's been quite a while since I did my last Tweetcycling post. Over a year actually, and probably for good reason.  But hey, I won't let that deter me.

Somebody stop me! (In my best Jim Cary Mask voice).

For those of you new to LIAYF since my last version, this is the series where I give some of my crappy little used humor tweets a second chance at life. You can read the first four installments here I, II, III, IV, V.

As always, you will find these tweets barely used and in decent condition. 

Enjoy.

Forget the bed of hot coals. If you really want to inspire a parent, teach them to walk barefoot painlessly over a carpet full of Lego's. 

5yo: " I really liked the cheese you packed me today!" His Mom: "Those were pats of butter, buddy"

Earlier ~ 5yo: "Dad, you remember the time when we saw those Crawdad's fighting in the lake?" Me: "You mean from 10 minutes ago? Yeah, I do" 

Just used my rudimentary Origami skills to make an old favorite. Coffee Filter from Brawny Sheet. 

Pondering his missing favorite shirt, 5yo's first proper use of "Maybe a Robber broke in and stole it" Proud Dad.

Just heard a gal ask a guy if his dog was a 'Datsun' 

Betting my 5yo has a dog-eared copy of 'The Extending Bedtime Encyclopedia' under his mattress. Hungry, Thirsty, Pee, Question. Whats next? 

Found a phone book on our porch today. It has already served a purpose, as we laughed at the absurdity of it's existence. 

If the nations capitol were located in Seattle the national bird would be a Bald Seagull. 

I'm thinking of boycotting Science Fiction. Seriously, when was the last time you heard mention of a Father ship? 

Just killed a giant fly. It looked a bit like Jeff Goldblum. 

As soon a I get my Crown later today, I am throwing my dentist in the dungeon to rot. I can do that, right?  

I have a beer named after me! Sure, It's just one bottle and I named it, but it is still an honor.

I bet that right about now, Gaddafi is really kicking himself for not getting the Flux Capacitor. 

The label at the end of the string on my green tea bag says 'Private Collection'. Because I've reached that station in life.  

Took a bite of my 4yo's half eaten & abandoned corn dog tonight. Tell me there's a support group for this.

Tell me readers, if this didn't finally drive you away of course, some of your own favorite humor tweets.  Happy Saturday. 

I have to work.