Friday, December 27, 2013

10 Things You Can't Baby-Proof Once Mobility Happens

My, my, my baby gets me so tired
Makes me say "Oh, my Lord"
Thank you for blessing me, but...
She's got a mind on crime with two tiny feet
You can't proof this! apologies to MC Hammer.

Now that our Annabelle is walking in earnest, she is a force to be reckoned with.  First crawling, then cruising, and now walking. This girl is fast, determined to get into EVERYTHING, and wearing me out.
"Muh!, Muh!

What am I having trouble baby-proofing?  Well, everything really.  But I made a list of 10 things that so far I, and I am imagining most people, can't baby proof once the kidos become mobile.  Check them out below. Do they apply to you too?

10.  The Christmas Tree ~ I know, this is seasonal and won't be a problem for long.  Hence, it's only #10.  But short of putting a baby gate completely around the tree it's almost impossible to baby proof.   We have had to hang all the breakable ornaments above her reach, leaving the ones "less special" to adorn the lower branches.  But you can't do that with lights!  They have to cover the entire tree, and they are SHINY and PRETTY.  This is a problem, especially when the baby keeps doing her Frankenbaby walk towards them with a finger outstretched, saying "Muh!" "Muh".

9.  The Cat ~ Let's assume for a second you have a cat. If it's an intelligent cat, this is not a problem for move on to #8.  On the other hand, if you have a less than intelligent cat, or like us, one that is so starved for attention that it would rather have it's fur yanked out in hand sized clumps by a giggling baby than avoid her, then it can be an issue.  You might even have to keep on constant alert for the sound of a squealing feline who has not been declawed, and whose tail is being yanked on.  In such cases you will need to intercede. Likely often.

8.  The Entertainment Center ~  Unfortunately One Step Ahead doesn't make latches for magnetized glass doors on entertainment centers, especially ones which have not been latching properly for any number of years. One could, in such a situation, duct tape the glass door closed to keep the baby from getting to your CD collection and reeking havoc. Warning: There will come a day when she figures out a way around this and grabs your new Pearl Jam disc and chews on it.  This will be a less than stellar day.

7.  The Bathroom  ~  The bathroom has any number of hazards for a mobile baby.  Hazards such as a toilet, a trash can, cat food, and cat water (see #9).  Of course, you can keep the door to the bathroom closed.  However, you never realize how many trips to the bathroom your family takes in a day until you have a mobile baby and one of you forgets to close the door on several occasions leaving the baby open to toddle in and head straight for the toilet, or alternatively try out the flavor of the cat food (or dump the cat water onto herself, necessitating a full change of clothing, just as you are set to leave the house for an appointment).

6.  The LEGO's ~  As amazing a toy as a set of LEGO's is, each piece is a choking hazard to an baby.  We have about a billion choking hazards lying around our house.  And, no matter how hard we try to isolate these tiny plastic bricks to non baby areas, inevitably they end up adorning the very floor she is walking on.  Unfortunately "What's in her mouth?!!" has become a common phrase uttered around our household.

5. The Kid Chairs  ~ Once a  baby becomes mobile, if you have any small chairs around for your older kids to use these become a hazard.  Especially when a baby climbs up onto them and brings herself to a standing position, while not comprehending that the next step will find her tumbling off, culminating with a face plant onto the wooden floor.  Said face plant does not deter the climbing of said chair over and over again.  Here, we have even resorted to hiding them in the bathroom.

4. The Refrigerator ~  With a mobile baby in the house, simply opening the fridge can be an exercise fraught with peril.  Say you are putting away some groceries, and from behind you you hear the distinct pattering of tiny feet approaching quickly.  You have to ask yourself "What's on the bottom shelf", and "Am I prepared to pull her away from it, causing an inevitable scream?"   Sure, you will successfully get the door closed most of the time, but do you realize how many times you open a refrigerator in any given day? (see #7).  Ultimately you will turn around and the baby will be toddling off quickly with a jar of pickles.

3.  The Kitchen Cabinets ~  Sure, you can put safety latches on those bottom cabinets, including the Lazy Susan,  Inevitably, you will fail to latch them, and the baby will get into that cabinet and shake a bottle of toxic Goo Gone up and down before trying to chew the cap.  Just hope you are watching at the time.

2.  The Dishwasher  ~  What is more enticing to a baby then an open dishwasher with all that shiny silverware, and noisy glass and ceramic ware? Apparently not much, because every time I open ours to load or unload these items, Annabelle makes a B-Line right for it.  If I am not slamming it closed just in the nick of time, I am instead grabbing her and depositing her across the room.  For the record, this does no good.  She is usually back before I can replace another plate... and usually grabbing for a kitchen knife. 

1.  The Stairs ~  Sure, you can put a baby gate at the top of the stairs, but what if your stairs fan out at the bottom?  How do you keep your now mobile and climbing baby from wandering off and climbing those suckers nearly every time you turn around?  Well, you don't. Annabelle is making a run at them constantly, usually carrying one of Lukas' shoes along with her (we don't know, so don't ask).  

Ultimately, we can't proof that!

If you are like Mrs. LIAYF and I, you just have to follow your newly mobile baby around as closely as possible, try to distract her with something more interesting when you find her in one of the above situations, and hope that you survive this developmental phase without anything being broken, injured, or cut in the process.

Because, of course, there are certain things you just can't proof.


Larry said...

It does get harder as they get mobile. Baby proofing did not work so well when it came to my boys. Actually, we gave up after the first one.
Anyway, I remember saying that when my son could open the fridge, it would be our version of Iran getting the bomb.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, the cat....never had one. But for all those chores that require appliance doors to be open and dangerous items exposed, i.e. putting away groceries in the fridge or loading the dishwasher, or cooking/opening hot oven door, I put the baby in one of two fun devices right there in the room with me: 1. one of those jumpers that hang in the doorway, on the door frame. My kids *loved* those, and couldn't toddle up to any open appliance doors. Plus, they were right there with me and we could chat, sing, and make eye contact all the while. 2: An Exersaucer, the stationary play center that also allowed them to be right in the same room, but temporarily immobilized. Or even, 3. The high chair, with a handful of cheerios or something to keep them busy for a few minutes while I did what needed doing safely. As for the CDs/entertainment center, we actually invested in a full-on baby "fence," that was like a baby gate but stretched out several feet longer and blocked that whole end of the room. We left it up full-time, and just stepped over it whenever we needed to access the CDs, etc. Most of the time we were just using the remote to work the TV, etc, so it didn't really require that much stepping over. Prized CD collection was safe, as were all the buttons on all the sensitive electronics. Legos were contained in the basement play room, and the baby couldn't go down there unless we were there to supervise. Although, ours are only 3 and a half years apart in age, so by the time we got seriously into Legos, the younger one was pretty much past the choking hazard stage. We mostly had the large Duplos in the beginning. Stairs are nearly impossible! Once when our good friend was over and we were distracted in conversation, Zeke rode his little plastic fire truck ride-on toy straight over the edge and down the entire flight of carpeted stairs from the TV room/loft to the first floor. He stayed on it the whole way down and only wiped out at the bottom (epic! and so athletic! he's a great skier today!) and was not hurt, but you should have seen our friend leap off the sofa in horror and go chasing after him. I wish Annabelle all the same grace and luck!! Missy

So This is Fatherhood said...

We are going through a similar stage right now with our daughter. We call hanging out with her "playing defense."

Slamdunk said...

Ha, I had forgotten how funny the Lance, Arod, and me post was. Was that really FEB? Time flies.

Happy New Year.