Monday, October 19, 2009

It's Getting Warm Around Here

A guy dies and when he realizes he has passed away a panic starts to set in. This is because, not surprisingly to him, instead of being transported to the heavens, his journey is down to the fiery depths of Hell. When he finally gets to the bottom of the Hellscalator he is greeted by a hideous demon who snarls at him a welcome to hell, and lets him know he has to choose between one of the three doors in front of him to spend his miserable eternity.

So, the guy reluctantly decides to take a look behind door #1. What he sees terrifies him! A whole group of bedraggled looking souls wrapped in chains, flames shooting up all around them, swinging sledge hammers, trying to chip away at boulders. He decides that the other doors must be better than this and indicates to the demon that he wants to move on.

Then, slowly, door #2 is opened and the guy realizes that door #1 wasn’t all that bad after all. The scene was similar to door #1 with the fire, and chains, and sledgehammers, only behind this door those same bedraggled souls were constantly being poked in the midsection with sharp pointed spears by demons who were laughing uncontrollably. A bit freaked out, the man quickly decides to move to door #3.

Terrified, and unsure what he would find behind door #3 the guy has his eyes closed tight when he hears the sound of pleasant music and chatter. He opens his eyes to find that behind door #3 there are also a bunch of bedraggled looking souls, standing knee deep in reeking putrid sewage… but they are chatting with each other and sipping coffee. The smell was enough to turn his stomach, but the man was no fool, and he quickly recognized that this was his best option. “I’ll take door #3” he told the demon. The door closed behind him with a crash.
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It was at that point a crackle came over the speaker system as flames began to fill the room and demons with spears arrived. “All right guys, this is the Devil and you know the drill. Coffee break is OVER. Now get back on your heads!”

Sadly, my coffee break of a weekend is over too, and I need to get back to spending nearly every free moment I have (including evenings) on my basement remodel if we hope to EVER get it completed, much less on time. I’ll still be around, just not as visible.

And if, by chance, you never hear from me again...please remember my plight before trying to do any sizable portion of a remodeling project for yourself, especially with a toddler in the house.

12 comments:

PJ Mullen said...

I feel for you, I will never undertake a major remodeling project again after my experience, and I didn't even have a kid at the time.

James (SeattleDad) said...

@PJ - We used to do quite a bit more, but didn't realize how much harder it would be with a small child. Now, I just want it to be over. Yesterday.

morethananelectrician said...

You gotta find a way to have him help...in a way that doesn't slow you down. Even just moving stuff around.

Rookie. :)

ZenMom said...

Oh boy. Best of luck!

Lady Mama said...

Good luck! The work sucks but it'll be worth it when it's done.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

I'll keep my eyes out for the news headline "Man accidentally plasters himself inside wall". Thanks for the heads up.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I've only one room to throw some paint into and I wish I'd never started...

Chris Mancini said...

We're almost done remodeling the kitchen and it's almost killed us. The middle of the house gutted with two children. Delays, mistakes, etc. If Home Depot were a person, I would strangle them.

Momo Fali said...

My husband works behind door #3. Poor guy. Now you know why he drinks rum.

Playstead said...

I will quote one of my best buds when I say, "not only am I not qualified to remodel any part of my house, I may not even be qualified enough to hire someone to do it."

WILLIAM said...

I feel for you.

Captain Dumbass said...

"You can do it. We can help!"

Bwah ha ha haaaaa!