Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Master Plan

I’ve heard a few references recently where people were referred to as ‘Puzzle Master’. Now, I don’t doubt that these folks are amazing at solving puzzles slightly more complicated than ‘which microbrew goes well with Pepperoni as opposed to Hawaiian’, but I wonder who decided that we, the general public, should now refer to these folks using the Master suffix?

Well, what ever the reason, every time I hear such a reference I find myself thinking “Wow, Puzzle Master. That sounds cool”. And you know why? Because they are being openly labeled a Master. And who doesn’t respect a title like that?

This got me thinking. Thinking about how I too would love to be referred to using the Master suffix. True, I don’t do complicated puzzles. But, there must be something I’m good enough at that would allow me to be labeled Master.

Brainstorming, I came up with a few ideas off the top of my head. How would these sound? “Today we chat with….”

1. Coffee guzzling Master SeattleDad

2. Mumbling kid songs to 2 year old because he can't remember the words Master SeattleDad

3. Cleaning up ‘scattered everywhere’ toys Master SeattleDad.

4. Piling washed dishes on top of already dry dishes in the drainer Master SeattleDad

5. Shrinking wife’s favorite clothes in the dryer Master SeattleDad

6. Stepping his socks directly in cat vomit at the bottom of the stairs first thing in the morning Master SeattleDad

7. Frantically searching the house for his one set of car keys so he won’t be too late for an important meeting Master SeattleDad

8. Burning the candle at both ends until the hot wax singes vital body parts Master SeattleDad

9. Overspending on gifts for spouse because he orders online at the last minute Master SeattleDad

10. Avoiding fostering male friendships, to spend more time with wife and son Master SeattleDad

Those all sound great. But mostly, I just aspire to one label: “Today we chat with Fathering Master, SeattleDad.”

I’m certainly not there yet, but I’m working on it.


Steve said...

Sorry to disappoint you James but I hold the title for number 4. I'm just waiting the Guinness Book of Records to confirm my supremacy.

And I'm pretty guilty of number 10 too.

As for number 6, eeeuuurrggghhhhhh!!

Is there a category for "Supposedly eco-friendly cycle-commuting Dad but usually takes the car when it rains Master"?

Being us... said...

I think I am the master of a lot of those things too...can there be something higher than master??

SciFi Dad said...

Like Steve, I too am a master of #4.

Regarding #8, kindly keep the sordid details of your sex life to yourself.

DCUrbanDad said...

Yeah no one needs to know about your in the bed rituals. But I will tell you I have #5 locked up for the past 11 years. You can be my apprentice master.

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm 'making up words to songs for a 18 month old because I didn't care to learn the words master'

Kori said...

I am SO not even going to mention the myriad things of which I could be called Master (Mistress? that sounds horrid), simply because then you will all think I am just another slovenly, ill-kempt mother with ratty looking kids.

Wait. I AM. :)

Steve said...

Agree that Fathermaster is a pretty good accomplishment! Nice

WILLIAM said...

I, myself, am so skilled at putting worms on hooks for fishing.

I am excellent at tying squid to the end of a line for deep sea fishing.

I know how to set a crab trap with the right amount of bunker or chicken thighs.

I am a master...

Mocha Dad said...

Once you master all ten items on your list, you will attain the title of Fathering Master.

Lady Mama said...

You could rename your blog Master of Luke ... ? Or Luke's Master. Or, next time you're having business cards printed you could ask them to add "Master" as a prefix.

I would be Master of staying awake all day despite having no sleep.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm the master of having my ass handed to me by my wife.