Wednesday, July 20, 2011
For whatever reason it's fairly difficult to get shades that fit snugly over the bridge of my nose without riding so close to my eyes that my lashes rub against the lenses. Not unlike the freakishly large head of Loraine on Seinfeld, I must have a freakishly odd shaped face for shades.
Seriously though, I have torn through at least 6 pairs since last fall.
Maybe it's partly because I always buy cheap sunglasses. I usually get them at a local drugstore - when they are on sale, of course. But since the only mirror I can ever find at these stores is the tiny 3" x 3" one above the display I can never truly tell whether the shades look good on me, or make me look like...well, like a guy with a goofy looking pair of shades. Unfortunately, I get more than my share of the later.
I actually had a pair for our trip to Hawaii that I bought at an old folks home thrift store. Don't laugh, those were stylin eyes. And they were only 2 large. Washington's that is. But typical of all good shades I find, I lost that pair on the trip. That was a tough pill to swallow, especially only half way through our vacation. I ended up using my backups, which sat funny on my nose.
I never loose the crappy pairs. Just the ones that fit. Like I said, I lose a lot of pairs. It's a Seattle thing. Those of you who live in places were the sun makes a consistent appearance between the months of April and September probably don't lose as many pairs because of one simple fact. You are wearing them!
You probably don't know this, but Seattleites buy more sunglasses per capita than anywhere else in the USA.
That's because here in Seattle the sun is often more hit and miss than the Mariners offense. Trust me, that's a lot of misses. I know this may come as a shock to those of you toiling under the oppressive heat in the Midwest right now, but Seattle has had all of...count em....74 minutes of Summer so far this year (defined as 80F or higher temperature). Actually, I'm not complaining. I'll take today's 72F with a cloud cover anyday over the 132F heat index that Minnesota recorded a couple of days ago. Yikes.
But, as a result of the sun peaking in and out of the clouds my sunglasses are on and off my face constantly. And if I am not wearing them I am holding them, or have them on my head, or hanging them from a belt loop, or in a pocket. Hence the reason I end up losing, or breaking so many pairs.
Now what I don't understand is where the heck the reciprocity is. You would think that eventually for every, or nearly ever pair I lose, that I would also find a few nice pairs. Maybe even one. For some reason this is not happening for me.
Perhaps off the coast of Washington, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, there is an underwater swirling vortex of sunglasses the size of Texas. Don't laugh, it happened with plastic grocery bags.
But now that I have once again lost my nice fitting pair of cheap sunglasses, I am forced to carry around my back-ups. And they make me look like a complete moron. At least that's what I was thinking as I looked in several windows that I walked by on my way to my car this afternoon. Of course that made me actually look like a moron I'm sure.
Hopefully my luck will turn soon and I will find another nice pair soon. Perhaps one that some other poor Seattle schmuck lost because of our on and off sunshine. That, or I'll have to get a pair of those cloth straps for my neck.
But I never liked those.
So tell me readers. How often do you lose your shades?
Posted by James (SeattleDad) at 11:23 PM