Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ring...Ring...Ring

Elmo: (Gravely voice) Huuuh-Ro.

Me: Is this Elmo?

Elmo: Who's askin'?

Me: This is James

Elmo: James who?

Me: James from 'Luke, I am Your Father'.

Elmo: How'd you get this number??

Me: You'd be amazed at what you can find on the internet these days.

Elmo: Hmm, word. Anyway, what do you want?

Me: I was wondering, well....if you could come over and entertain my boy Lukas for a while. He has been calling for you all morning. Yes, he was a bit weirded out by that one time you stopped by and got all wiggy. Not sure what you were on that night, but we had a man to man about giving you a second chance. You know in the spirit of the holiday season and all.

Elmo: (silence)..............Dude, It's Sunday Morning and I kinda had a late night. Painting the town Elmo red...if ya know what I mean. Plus I am seriously low on Helium. So, I'm think'n Nada.

Me: Come on man, show some of that love you are always preachin'. My boy has some serious idol worship goin for you and it would really make his day. All I need is 20 minutes, tops!

Elmo: You say he idolizes me?

Me: Hell yah! Big time.

Elmo: ....Alright, alright. Just give me a half an hour to gather myself and grab a few ibuprophen.

Me: Sorry to ask for more, buuuut...while you're at it can you bring over some of your friends too?

Elmo: Gad! You have some serious nerve. Talk about givin' a guy an inch. Let me see...well, Kelly Rippa is in town...so I guess I could bring her over.

Me: Perfect! Elmo, you are one seriously cool dude. No wonder all the kids worship you. Thanks so much!

Elmo: You just need to do me a favor too.

Me: Sure. Shoot.

Elmo: I need you to double your promo of me with the kid. Maybe turn that tv back on for an episode of The Street every once in a while. The producers have been houndin' me all week about advertising and promotion. Can you do that?

Me: Aren't you on PBS?

Elmo: Do you want me to come over? Cause I could still be sleeping right now.
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Me: Yeah, sure. We'll try to watch more often. What the heck. But I'll have to wait 'til February when everything is switched to digital signals. No cable here.

Elmo: Wow, that sucks. But you're still hedgin'. I need a positive answer. Deal or no deal? Hmmph. God, now that's a lame show.

Me: Yes, we have a deal. See ya soon, and thanks again.

13 comments:

nonna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Captain Dumbass said...

Nothing wrong with talking to the toys. Nothing at all. Just watch you don't piss off Ripa. You see her pipes in those Tide commercials? She could tear your head off.

SciFi Dad said...

See, now as soon as you said "Kelly Ripa in a uniform" my mind went to a completely different place I started wondering why you were blogging about THAT and your kid at the same time.

Clearly, I need help.

James Austin said...

@Scifi - I changed this slightly. Seems that it was a bit more suggestive than I had intended.

@CDA - No, I don't want to do that!

Being us... said...

I can feel your pain with Elmo. We got Jake the "Elmo Live" and now he has to push all of the buttons on him all the time, but has recently become fascinated with pushing him over so Elmo say "Uh-Oh I have fallen over" (or something to that effect) then when Jake picks him back up Elmo says thank you. Try hearing that 20+ times a day. I think the batteries are mysteriously going to disappear!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Funny funny stuff.

Diane said...

That is hysterical! I tell you what, there were days in my house that I thought if Elmo wasn't there I would totally lose my mind, but there were days too when I thought if I had to listen to one more word out of his mouth I would freak out too. I think most parents have a love/hate relationship with that furry little monster!

Eric said...

what's elmo's digits?

1sttimedad said...

Santa accidentally brought my 18-month-old an Elmo CD for Christmas and she has learned how to say 'Elmo songs' about 30 times a day.

Hearing her say 'Elmo shons' is so unbelievably cute though, so it's not all bad. But now she's figured out how to hit play on the DVD player ...

iVegasFamily said...

Dude. Elmo showed up at our house drunk and belligerent. I also think he stole some of our DVDs. Watch yourself.

DC Urban Dad said...

I feel for you when Elmo ends up in rehab.

Eric said...

*LOL*

James Austin said...

@Being Us - Yes, the batteries are not in the Elmo live that Lukas got for Christmas either.

@Xbox - Not all had the same reaction so I'm glad you liked it.

@Diane - Count us in. Love/hate relationship so far and I don't see it changing.

@Eric - I just can't give that out. You will have to google it yourself

@1sttimedad - It is cute, I agree but sometimes you want to say, enough with the Elmo already.

@VegasDad - Was Rippa with him??

@DC - I can see the warning signs. Maybe it's time for an intervention.

@Eric - Glad you found it amusing.