Me: Is this Elmo?
Elmo: Who's askin'?
Me: This is James
Elmo: James who?
Me: James from 'Luke, I am Your Father'.
Elmo: How'd you get this number??
Me: You'd be amazed at what you can find on the internet these days.
Elmo: Hmm, word. Anyway, what do you want?
Me: I was wondering, well....if you could come over and entertain my boy Lukas for a while. He has been calling for you all morning. Yes, he was a bit weirded out by that one time you stopped by and got all wiggy. Not sure what you were on that night, but we had a man to man about giving you a second chance. You know in the spirit of the holiday season and all.
Elmo: (silence)..............Dude, It's Sunday Morning and I kinda had a late night. Painting the town Elmo red...if ya know what I mean. Plus I am seriously low on Helium. So, I'm think'n Nada.
Me: Come on man, show some of that love you are always preachin'. My boy has some serious idol worship goin for you and it would really make his day. All I need is 20 minutes, tops!
Elmo: You say he idolizes me?
Me: Hell yah! Big time.
Elmo: ....Alright, alright. Just give me a half an hour to gather myself and grab a few ibuprophen.
Me: Sorry to ask for more, buuuut...while you're at it can you bring over some of your friends too?
Elmo: Gad! You have some serious nerve. Talk about givin' a guy an inch. Let me see...well, Kelly Rippa is in town...so I guess I could bring her over.
Me: Perfect! Elmo, you are one seriously cool dude. No wonder all the kids worship you. Thanks so much!
Elmo: You just need to do me a favor too.
Me: Sure. Shoot.
Elmo: I need you to double your promo of me with the kid. Maybe turn that tv back on for an episode of The Street every once in a while. The producers have been houndin' me all week about advertising and promotion. Can you do that?
Me: Aren't you on PBS?
Elmo: Do you want me to come over? Cause I could still be sleeping right now.
Me: Yeah, sure. We'll try to watch more often. What the heck. But I'll have to wait 'til February when everything is switched to digital signals. No cable here.
Elmo: Wow, that sucks. But you're still hedgin'. I need a positive answer. Deal or no deal? Hmmph. God, now that's a lame show.
Me: Yes, we have a deal. See ya soon, and thanks again.