Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Recycling Day

It is time once again to do my recycling. Or, perhaps more accurately, to bring bring it back from the curb. This is where I give some of my more humorous 'barely used' Twitter tweets a new chance at life.
Here is the original installment: Recycled Humor I
Remember, one mans trash is another mans treasure.

This morning at Starbucks I pointed to the Barista, and afterwards the rumor circulated that I had called my shot.

Really enjoyed the episode of LOST we streamed last night. It was the one where they were trudging through the jungle.

Just gave 2yo a Pirate bandage. I want a 'Frosty Ale' bandage the next time I get an owie.

2yo to Harpist "What is that red string?" Harpist "That is my G-String" Dad tries hard to stifle chuckle.

I need to hire a Hitbird to take care of a little 'problem' outside my bedroom window.

If I had a hot tub time machine, I'd travel back to a time when I'd look better getting out of it.

Kicked a round pinecone 'ball' along the sidewalk for 2 city blocks on my walk to work this AM. Got some odd looks, but it was FUN.

A 2yo with a watering can is a dandelions best friend.

Seriously? Mail from the AARP? I have a 2yo! (Shakes fist and grumbles under breath)

Drinking mint tea with a Red Vine straw. Admit it, you're jealous.

If only we could all be so excited about an orb of purple latex filled with our parents hot air...

2yo: "Look I can eat my toes!" (sticking toes in mouth) Me: "What does that taste like buddy?" 2yo: "Ooooh, It tastes sour" (making face)

Seattle garbage workers on strike. No worries. City plans to cover us with Garbage Scabs.

My grill is like Ken Griffey Jr. After a few too many steaks and a stellar career, it's In its final season with the home team.

Just Base Jumped off my office chair. After another cup of coffee. I'm such a thrill junkie.

My son's fake crying is so unconvincing that I'm pretty sure he would be in contention as a child actor in the next George Lucas film.

If I don't get a break to get coffee soon, I may just go all Smoke Monster on someone.

2yo swirling peas in his mouth. "My mouth is juggling!"

Just got a call from sick employee. Called from doctors office & read printoff "Not sure what this means, but I have I-N-F-L-U-E-N-Z-A"

2yo - passing the grocery beer aisle" "Look, Daddy Medicine!"

2 1/2 yo upon hearing himself fart: "Sounds like construction workers are drilling a hole in my bum"

The nap has ended. I will go in peace to love and serve the child.

Dingo drank my coffee!

Beginning to expect im a clone created to get through late nights & potty training while the real SeattleDad lies unaged in a stasis chamber.

My 2yo is so good at pushing the envelope, a FedEx scout just showed up to watch our bedtime routine.

I'm thinking the Stiff Arm might be another powerful tool to use around the office.

It just dawned on me that there is nothing out of the ordinary I'd do for a Klondike Bar.

If people were summarized by Starbucks drinks, I'd be a Grande Americano with a lot of whip and not enough shots.

Spring Training on the Grill. Fumbled with the match for a couple of strikes then got a facial fireball.
Hey, If a horse hauls your ass through the desert, at least have the courtesy to name the beast. Just sayin.

Told my son "You're going to turn into a Peanut Butter sandwich" Sure wife will one day yell at me : "You're going to turn into an Ale!"

Was just sorting a client mailing. 'Corn' came directly after 'Cobb'. Yes, I put it on top.


SciFi Dad said...

"Sounds like construction workers are drilling a hole in my bum"


Mrs. M said...

Very impressed by your off the cuff tweets! My two favorites are the Lost one and the hot tub one. :)

Chris (@tessasdad) said...

I'm with SciFi Dad about the favorite although, "Look Daddy medicine!" is pretty awesome too. You should start a @shitmysonsays account.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, I would do anything all that special for a klondike bar either, they're kinda messy.

john cave osborne said...

oh my God, the G-string was hilarious.

props to your boy. the kid knows all the right questions.

fed ex was also particularly clever.