The Calm Before the Reality

In a matter of mere days, yours truly is going to be a Stay at Home Dad....albeit temporarily.

True, In effect I will simply be on Paternity Leave for a few weeks, but the important thing to note is that I will be the primary care giver for Annabelle, who has yet to make it home from NICU.

For all those wondering, our little darling is doing quite well these days after a rough beginning. In fact, she is starting to pack on the rolls of fat like she was playing Morgan Spurlock in a miniature version of Super Size Me. You want fries with that Hon?  (I think there are definitely Wrarms! in our future.)

Of course I want to Super Size the Formula!

A few years ago - let's just throw out, oh I dunno....6 as a random number - the simple thought of such an assignment would have terrified me beyond compare.  But now?

I am non-plused.  Along with Mrs. LIAYF and Lukas I have been spending quite a bit of time at the hospital rocking, feeding, changing and calming Annabelle.   And I have been doing a decent job if I do say so myself.  There have been no signs of panic during those times when my little girl gets seriously upset and I have to try different tactics to calm her.

For example, just yesterday such a scenario unfolded while I was all alone with my girl. The nurse who was unfamiliar to us took one look at me and rushed over to lend a hand to the fumbling dad.  However, I calmly made eye contact and told her "I've got this" while simultaneously turning Annabelle and beginning a rhythmic soft patting of her behind.  It was a seriously smooth move people.  I think I even gave one of those cool head nods.  You know the kind.

To Annabelle' credit though, she calms easily.  Thankfully she seems well dispositioned that way.  I'm crossing my fingers that trend continues.

But, given all this I am seriously at times treating this like it will be a piece of cake, which honestly worries me a slight bit.  Have I repressed the memories of the effects that a lack of sleep will have on a new dad who is on the wrong side of 40?  Am I forgetting how quickly a fairly well put together adult man can devolve into a slothenly, unkempt, walking zombie of a dad with bags under his eyes chugging coffee straight out of the decanter to keep sane? Am I fooling myself into believing that I will sail through this time along with my brand new daughter?

Probably.  But it's certainly nicer this way.

And hey, I survived the early months with Lukas didn't I?  Didn't I?  Darn right I did.   I don't remember them very well, but I did survive.  That I am fairly certain of.

Of course writing this all down is kind of bringing back some of those memories.  The picture perfect moments have been what I have mostly remembered from those days, but making jokes about being tired has had the strange effect of flooding me with those memories once again.  Suddenly, I am not so confident that it will be smooth, or easy for that matter.

Still, I not going to freak out at the thought.   I just need to continue to tell myself one simple thing.  One thing  that fake it till they make it folks convince themselves of all the time.

Don't worry people.

"I've got this."