The Year of Sleeping Dangerously

Holy Crap I'm tired.

A co-worker actually said to me the other day "Man, you look tired."  To which I replied "I'm 45 with an infant.  It's not a look!"

Sleep? With a Bear after me?  Yeah, right.

And when I say tired, I mean falling off my bar stool tired.  Literally.

The other night I actually tried to sit right here on my hard bar stool in front of my computer and think of something to post about, after Mrs. LIAYF and I had successfully put the kids down to sleep for the night.  I knew I was wiped out, but I had no idea just how much.  As Mrs. LIAYF started to talk to me about our upcoming decision on where to put Lukas for school in the Fall, I could feel my eyes getting heavy.  I tried to fight it, but was not having a lot of success. Mrs. LIAYF noticed too.  "Honey!" she implored   "Are you that tired?"

I didn't get a chance to answer, as the next thing I knew I could feel myself falling sideways off the stool.  It's been several years since I've fallen off a bar stool.  And never before  because of exhaustion.  Luckily, I caught myself on the way down and didn't actually hurt myself.  But yes, I WAS that tired.

How many of you remember having an infant in the house?  For those of you who don't, does that whole period remain a bit fuzzy in your memory?

I know there are those very vocal people who brag that their infants sleep 10-12 hours through the night by the time they are 2 weeks old.  I have a theory about these people.  They are liars.  Lying, liars all of them.  And if they aren't lying, I'm sure that they've made deals with the Devil.  Seriously, what else can explain their good fortune?

But for the rest of us, that first year with an infant is fraught with sleep peril.  Most of you with kids may remember this, but for those of you who do not, or who may have forgot, let me give you a typical night in the LIAYF household these days.

7:00 Put Annabelle to bed
8:00 Put Lukas to bed
8:30 Lukas calls from the stairs that he is hungry
9:00 Annabelle wakes up screaming.  Soothe her, and try to get her back to sleep.
9:30 Lukas calls from the stairs that he is scared of something.
11:00 Annabelle wakes hungry.  I feed and change her.
12:00 Mrs. LIAYF and I go to sleep
2:00 Annabelle wakes hungry.  I give her the pacifier.
3:00 Annabelle wakes hungry.  Mrs. LIAYF feeds her.  I lay awake and listen.
4:00 Lukas enters our room, having had a bad dream
4:30 I carry Lukas back to his room and put him back to bed.
5:00 I get back to sleep.
6:10 My Alarm goes off.  I get up and stumble down the stairs to get ready for work.
6:30 Annabelle wakes.  I walk upstairs and give her a binky.
7:00 I leave for work.
7:30 Annabelle and Lukas wake for the day.

This schedule is not horrible.  For a couple of nights that is.  But once you start stacking them on top of each other, night after night, it seriously starts to wear you down.  Then, before you know if you're apt to have a cold that you can't seem to shake.  And, if you add to that a stressful job, by the time your workday is done you can be seriously tired.

Yes, falling off a bar stool tired.  That's where I have found myself recently.  This goes for Mrs. LIAYF too, who is off work right now but then has to deal with a whole new set of sleep issues with Annabelle during the day all while shuttling Lukas to and from school and swimming.   We can only imagine what it will be like when she goes back to work full time next month.

But hey, Annabelle is already 4 months old.  It seems like just yester.... Okay, who am I trying to kid?  The last 4 months have seemed like a year.  At least.

But if history tells me anything, it's that 5 years from now I won't quite remember how tired I really was.  Er....am!

I need a time machine.