Sunday, May 25, 2008

What Brings Out the Kid in Me?

Jeremy, over at Discovering Dad, is hosting a contest based on the question "What brings the kid out in you?" There are some great prizes, but although it would be nice to win a Nintendo Wii, I want to answer this question not solely based on any chance to win the Wii, or any other prize. The question made me stop for a second and think about that euphoric feeling I have had for a while now. Wasn't this what it was like to be a kid? Well, the answer to the posed question for me, is this:

Being a new father to my healthy, curious, energetic, smiling, fun loving, sometimes contemplative, trusting , and most of all happy 11 month old son Lukas has brought out in me that euphoric sense of wonderment with life that had all but vanished up until I learned that he had been conceived. Let me explain a bit more.

This past Friday, I celebrated my wedding anniversary to my amazing wife Mrs. LIYF. 9 years ago this past Thursday, she pulled me aside and had that conversation with me that all couples should have before they blissfully unite. She asked me this: "Are you sure you want to have kids? Because if you are not, then now is the time to say so." My answer was, of course "Yes, I am sure." Then after a couple of years of getting our lives in order, we decided it was time to begin our family.

We were not in our 20's anymore, but the first year of failure didn't get us down too much. We miscarried once, which was painful but we decided to persevere. At the end of the third year we we feeling quite down, and though not depressed, life was not filled with the joy it should have been for us. But, by the end of that 4th year, after having spent a small fortune trying everything available to us to start our family and being told by one of the country's best fertility doctors that we probably wouldn't be able to have our own child, we were seriously down. Everything was cast in shades of gray. We were not happy people but we still wanted a family so we decided to adopt. We got all of our papers in order, hired an attorney, and found a potential adoptive birth mother.

Then the very morning we were going to send our profile to this pregnant woman, we found out we had conceived Lukas. We were so happy we cried, together. We referred the birth mother on to another deserving couple and began planning our life with a child.

Ever since Lukas has been born, the pall has been lifted and every day it feels like I am a kid once again, learning new things right along with him. Each time Luke makes a new development and I am there to witness, it definitely brings out that euphoric feeling I remember having as a kid.

That is the feeling that says, "this moment right here, in and of itself, is perfect". I am 40 now, my knees ache, my back hurts at times, and I don't get out to play as much as I did before. But I feel more like a kid now than I have in years!


Martin said...

That's damn sweet.

I'm pretty sure your long struggle to conceive(which frankly, scares the bejesus out of me) will be a constant reminder as to how lucky you are.

Maybe you'll end up with a Wii, maybe not, but you've got a much bigger prize.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Amen to that brother! I can not only sympathize but empathize as well with your own struggles.

I can't tell you that it will work out because what the heck do I know. I can tell you though, that both Mrs. LIAYF and I will be sending whatever good karma we can muster your way, and hoping to hear your good news one day.

Thanks for stopping by.

Putz said...

keep it up, that is the main thing kids want in you, is to be a kid with them

Martin said...

Thanks James, much appreciated.

Putz - I think you hit the nail on the head.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Thanks Putz. I am enjoying this quite a bit. I can't wait to get to watch cartoons again someday.

Tom said...

That's a really great story, James. And what a blessing! Doubly so, as another family was given a new baby as well. I know Lukas will bring you more joy and unexpected delights (as well as not-so-much delights) than you can imagine at the moment.

KristyCK said...

Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. We were on the same boat with you, struggling to conceived, so down and a little depressed. The wonderful news only came on the day before our third anniversary. So on our 3rd anniversary we spent our morning in the doc office and later had to stay waiting for their call. It was the best ever anniversary we have so far. :-)

Good luck on the Wii! :D

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Tom - Yes, the birth mother was local, so hopefully it all worked out. Maybe Lukas will be in the same class someday, who knows.

@BM - We were both given the best gift, weren't we? You go through something like that and you don't quite realize how down and cynical with life you are really getting. You see people hitting thier kids in public and you just shake your head and ask "In what bizaro world is this fair?"

I think that makes it all the sweeter once things turn your way.

Jason Roth said...

Very well done sir. You summed up they way I feel as well. There's nothing like raising a child, especially after working so hard to bring him into the world. Congrats to you.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Thanks Jason!

Being us... said...

It is amazing how similar our situations were. Six years of trying, two miscarriages, spending a fortune on fertility, being told it might not happen, looking into adoption, and WHAMMO!!! Hello little Jacob!!! I am sure you will cherish Lukas as much as we cherish Jake!!

James (SeattleDad) said...

Thanks Mandy! Yes, that sounds very familiar. Makes it all the more sweet, doesn't it. Mrs. LIAYF and I watched all your videos of jake and enjoyed them all. He is an adorable boy!