Deal? Or No Deal?

It turns out I have a title that I was completely unaware I possessed. Negotiator.

Lukas is at that age where he is beginning to assert his independence with increased frequency. As most parents of children over 18 months of age already know, this strong willed nature often manifests itself at inopportune times. This is when parenting becomes challenging for a whole new set of reasons than the ones we had to deal with in that first year and a half.

Making sure our children get the proper amount of rest, have the proper amount mix of mental and physical stimulation, and eat a healthy and balanced meal would seem straightforward enough. Especially if you read all those parenting books. However, these tasks become even more challenging when your newly independent-minded child decides he want to figure out the world at his own pace and in his own way and is not always inclined to play by your rules.

So, it has been a learning experience for us as Mrs. LIAYF and I have looked for new ways to accomplish those above stated goals without resorting to other common forms of discipline which we have agreed not to use. Our mantra since his birth has been "Distraction, Distraction, Distraction." Rather than getting upset with our son for exploring new things that he shouldn't be into, which is inherently what children do to learn, we will introduce something else to him to distract him. Giving him something he can have usually dissuades him from playing with something he can't have. For instance, we gave him his own kitchen drawer with his "kitchen stuff" in it. This keeps him out of off-limits cabinets and allows him to explore.

We are also now becoming experienced negotiators with our son. After about age one, he began to possess the ability to understand "if you do this, then this happens" logic. If Lukas stops half way through his dinner and asks for a cookie, we make a deal. Finish this amount of your dinner (usually plenty for a 20 month old) and then you can have a cookie. He will then eagerly finish that food in anticipation of the payoff. If he has played in the house and wants to go outside, we tell him that we can go outside once we have cleaned up most of the toys scattered about. Again, this does the trick. To my amazement this is working tremendously well so far.

I'm not fooling myself into thinking that we will always be this successful negotiating with Lukas, but am actually fairly surprised at how well it is currently working. Often, in the midst of completing the negotiated task, he will have forgotten about what he originally wanted. Lukas seems to be a bright kid, but he also is a good-natured boy as well. And, we praise as often as we can when he does things right - like petting the cats instead of hitting them!

Every day is a new experience for first time parents. How about you, readers. How much do you negotiate with your young children? How has that worked out?

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As for us, for now we will just continue to deal with challenges as they present themselves.