Monday, April 19, 2010

Hammering Man

Man, I'm sore right now. In fact, today is one of those keep the bulk bottle of Costco ibuprofen handy days. My shoulders hurt, my arms hurt, and my hands hurt too. I'm even having trouble making a grip with my right hand. My swinging hand.

Yesterday, I had my first audition for a North Korean hard labor camp. I did so well, that Kim Jong Il presented me with a rose afterwards. I think I may even be headed to Pyongyang.

Ok, actually I bought a sledgehammer and pounded four huge concrete anchor balls into small pieces of rubble. They were leftover detris from a steel climbing structure I took out last fall. Kim wasn't in touch, but I am expecting to hear from him once my exploits with the hammer get out. I very was impressive in my minds eye as I laid waste to those giant boulders and I'm sure that Mrs. LIAYF would agree. Scratch that. Don't ask her.

Do you own a sledgehammer of your own? I think every guy over the age of 25 should. Especially if you live in the city and/or work at a desk. It provides a terrific sense of manliness. To be able to wield a stick with a 16 pound blunt head attached and use it to beat something - anything - to a pulp is quite a stress reliever.

I felt like John Henry.

Just one piece of advice if you get your own. Don't think that you are too manly to wear a pair of work gloves while swinging the sledgehammer. You may just end up with a few blisters on your hands to go along with the aches and pains you will have the next day.

It will make it hard to grip a rose.


ericdbolton said...

The same rules apply when swinging an axe.

SciFi Dad said...

I prefer tossing my daughter in the air. She's softer when she lands on my head.

Anonymous said...

Gloves are a definite necessity with the old sledge. I've been accused of using mine even when it wasn't entirely necessary. At least the job got done.

Rob said...

Man, sounds like I need one of those. Alas, though, I lack something to destroy.

Playstead said...

Love it -- totally agree. Those are one of the tools that just make you feel like you're made of steel.

Beta Dad said...

I don't know if you are advanced enough to alternate the side you swing from; but once you can do that smoothly it's sledgehammer nirvana. Like a ballet of destruction. When I was about 18, I carved the motto "THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS" into the handle of the sledgehammer I used on the construction site where I worked.

Mrs. M said...

Blisters are the worst! I have never had the pleasure of holding a sledge hammer, but I certainly can do some damage with a rake. :)

Irrational Dad said...

I put up a privacy fence last year... after digging holes, setting posts, pouring concrete, and installing panels, I was a sore dog... I can relate to the pain, but there's a certain level of awesomeness in doing real man-stuff!

Keith Wilcox said...

totally agree with you. Sledge hammer or ax (not hatchet). When I was growing up my dad taught me to split logs in our back yard. I never do it because I don't live where splitting logs is a regular thing to do, but I know how and that makes me feel manly. Unfortunately I don't own a sledge hammer. I live in a condo and haven't had the need for one. Rest assured though, when the day comes, I'll be right on it. :-)

Otter Thomas said...

I own a sledgehammer. It must be mostly for effect though because I can't remember the last time I used it. I hope you can work the soreness out before the DPRK comes a calling.

Anonymous said...

I could use one at work.

Slamdunk said...

I have not used a sledge hammer in awhile, but did wear gloves the last time. It was sort of like a baseball thing, so I did not feel that I was less manly wearing gloves to protect my hands.

WILLIAM said...

I wear work gloves all the time becasue I am a wuss when it comes to blisters.

ericdbolton said...

You've been given a gratuitous award. It's details our on my site.

Ben said...

I once cut a branch off a tree and felt so manly, I grew a beard right there and then.

A Free Man said...

Man, I really want a sledgehammer now. And a chainsaw.

Drew Gilbert said...

Gloves are a must, but that might be my dainty artist hands talking.

Also, if Kim Jong gives you a flower, it just means you get to go to the next round of the North Korean version of The Bachelor, I think it's called The Supreme Leader. Truly an honor, though I think I will fast forward through your eventual hot tub massage session. Ew. Went too far on that one.

James (SeattleDad) said...

@Eric - An axe will certainly do.

@Scifidad - I have had a sledgehammer land on my head so I hear you on that.

@PJ - You gotta protect the hands. They do good work.

@Rob - The neighbors car?

@Playsted - And that is a must these days.

@Beta Dad - Love it. Do you still have it?

@Mighty M - A rake will do in a pinch!

@Joe - I am really enjoying doing contructive things in my yard. Sometimes you have to destroy first though.

@Keith - I used to split a lot of wood and it was just as satisfying.

@Otter - Someone has been parked outside my house for a few days now. I am getting suspicious.

@DC - I hear you. I am bringing mine in.

@Slamdunk - Did you adjust them between swings?

@William - Yeah, they are not fun.

@Eric - Really? Nice. I appreciate that.

@Ben - That cracked me up. lol.

@A Free Man - Ooooo. I want a chainsaw too.

@Drew - I am opting out of the hot tub round. Going straight to the hard labor round.

Jack Steiner said...

I have many hammers and I like swinging all of them. I especially enjoy splitting wood, good exercise and quite relaxing.