Dad's A- Z: K is for Kapalua

Aloha readers! Yes, the LIAYF family is on a much needed vacation in beautiful Maui.

It was Mrs. LIAYF and my 13th Anniversary last Wednesday and we are celebrating by visiting the Island where we honeymooned. Lukas is with us and having a blast too, as he has learned to snorkel since arriving. Snorkeling was actually what brought us up to Kapalua today. We looked forward to seeing some colorful fish and turtles.

Instead I saw a lot of sand from my goggles. A lot of sand! That's because as soon as we got ourselves situated in the neck deep swirling water and Mrs. LIAYF swam off with Lukas, my wedding ring slipped right off my finger.

I immediately had a sinking feeling that after 13 years, my wedding band was lost forever.

That was not a good feeling.

As I mentioned the sand was shifting underfoot so I knew the ring was most likely buried right away. But I searched over and over again anyway. Mrs. LIAYF and Lukas came and helped me look for a while, before lovingly assuring me that it was okay and that it could be replaced. Still I felt sick about it for obvious reasons. They eventually went back to the beach while I stayed and searched. Several people watching from the beach trickled away as the time past.

After about an hour and a half later, exhausted, I was about to give up when a glimmer caught my eye. It was a sliver of the mostly buried band lying about 5ft deep. I removed the snorkel, took a breath and dove for it grabbing a handful of sand. And the ring!

Relieved, I gave my family the good news and a big hug. Engraved inside my band Mrs. LIAYF had added the Pearl Jam lyric "Don't it make you Smile" from a song we listened to a lot while dating.

The answer is yes, it certainly does.

(posted from my iPhone so forgive any formatting issues)

Aloha!

Dad's A-Z: J is for Just Breathing

I just spent a very nice three day weekend with Lukas and Mrs. LIAYF. We slept in, picnicked, hiked, grilled, and even got some things crossed off the to do list.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  

Over the past several months I've been working long hours and the stress level has risen perceptibly at work.  Thankfully, some big projects are getting done and I am finally getting a chance to catch up on many other nagging projects without those important deadlines looming.  In fact, I was as relaxed this weekend as I have been in quite a while.  

Add to that the fact that we are all going on vacation next week and I am feeling like I can finally breathe a bit easier now.  We have all been there, right?  Too much to do and too little time to do it in. Those are the times when having your loved ones near and supportive become so valuable. 

"Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none uh-huh"

~ Just Breathe by Pearl Jam

Dear Mrs. LIAYF and Lukas, 

Thanks for always being there for me, even when I'm distracted.

Yeah, I'm a lucky man! Happy Monday all.

Dad's A-Z: I is for Inconceivable!

A day on the beach with Lukas is priceless

Sometimes a dash of perspective goes a long way.

Just the other day, I was feeling put off about something.  I must have been pretty insignificant, since I no longer have any idea what it was.  Honestly, I think it was just one of those long work days where things don't quite go your way.  Anyway, as I was in the midst of feeling crummy, Mrs. LIAYF called to check in on a long time friend in another state who has been having a rough time lately.

Her friend is a single mother of three, including twins who are about to turn one year old.  And she has no family close by to support her.  The twins have been sick a lot lately, and her older daughter also severely broke her nose recently. All this has resulted in her having to take off a lot of work lately.  She is naturally exhausted, and nearly out of sick days.

But you want to hear the worst part?  Trust me, you do.  Well this dedicated mother, our good friend,  has been off work so much dealing with her sick and injured offspring that she wasn't there to partake in a certain office activity.  One where her co-workers, the people she interacts with on a regular basis, gathered together to pool their resources and....buy some Lottery Tickets.  Do you know where I am going with this yet?  Yes, it's true.

Her co-workers won the lottery.

It will be a $1.6 Million payday for each of her group of co-workers.  The ones without the sick twins. Ouch! How awful would that be to have happen to you?  Suddenly, my troubles didn't seem so significant anymore.  Funny how that works, isn't it?

Thankfully, our friend is keeping a positive perspective on the whole situation.  She is a great mother and a super friend to Mrs. LIAYF,  so we really feel bad for her.  Then again, as cliche as it sounds, with all the time she is dedicating to her beautiful children she will be rewarded with wealth beyond imagination.

If I had to give up the opportunity to win a million dollars, or five million, or even one hundred million dollars to be with Lukas when he really needed me I would do it in a heartbeat.   No questions asked.  Of course, if I could do both I undoubtedly would,  but the point is that I wouldn't have to think about it.  It would be inconceivable to me not to.

This surprises me.  Scratch that, that would surprise the me of five years ago, but not the me of today.  Being a dad is that valuable to me.

In the moment, while tired and stressed and dealing with sick babies that line of reasoning may be of little consolation to her. But it is real, and with time the memory of finding out her co-workers had won the lottery without her may fade, but the memories of spending time with her family will definitely not.  Take it from someone who has already hit the jackpot.

And on another bright side, if any of those winners did decide to return to work,  who do you think might receive some pretty wonderful birthday gifts?

Dad's A-Z: H is for Half Life

"Brains!" "Dip!"

Half Life, abbreviated  as t1/2, is defined as the period of time it takes for the amount of a substance undergoing decay to decrease by half.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a substance undergoing decay.  Sometimes I'm also wondering if I've reached my chronological Half Life yet.  (This is otherwise know as Middle Age) Honestly it feels like my rate of decay is increasing these days.  Of course, I hope I haven't reached my half life already. I'm still in my mid-forties for crying out loud.

When I was younger, I have to admit I was not worried about getting old.  Not at all.  This was because I was convinced that by the time I did get 'old' (I don't think at the time I actually had an age associated with it, but I figured I would know it once I got there) that scientists would surely figure out the cure to all those ailes that plauge us.  And, of course, I would be a beneficiary of all that new knowledge - allowing me to live well into my 100's.  Yes, I was that naive.

And no, I'm not so sure of that anymore.  Sure, the rate of scientific progress has been fast, but not as fast as I had assumed it would be. What an utterly disappointing realization.   I think we're going to need more scientists.

My niece Alyssa is currently studying to be a cancer researcher at college right now.  She's super smart, but I know of no plans to clone her at this point.  This would be a good idea.

The sad fact is, as of late I have been noticing a particularly large number of accounts of men in their 40's actually dropping dead.  Kicking the can.  Liquidating their assets. Swimming with the fishes. Ceasing to be.  Well, you get the picture.  Bottom line: These poor fellas are no longer around to enjoy the life they worked so hard to build.

Now, I don't have any statistics on whether guys in their 40's check out any more often than at any other age,  but it sure seems like I am hearing or reading about a ton of them of late.  One minute I read about a guy keeling over from a heart attack, the next another about a dude who succumbs to the Big C.  Each one of these makes me cringe.  Maybe statistically there are more deaths of guys in middle age than later, or maybe I am just noticing more because I am there now. 

Dropping Dead?  Increasing rate of decay?  Maybe I should be starring in an episode of The Walking Dead.

Like I said, I'm noticing more.  That's why I am finally doing something about it.   One has to start somewhere.  Today, I found myself eating mouthfuls of baby carrots while my office was having a chip and dip party.  It's part of a bigger plan. This was extremely difficult though, as my primal self was fighting the insatiable urge to dive onto the table and face plant itself into a bowl of artichoke dip.  But no, I'm in my forties now and I need to change my eating habits, right?   I need to ensure that I didn't reach my half life back back when Grunge was all the rage.  Hence the carrots.

They were not satisfying.

Honestly though, If I am going to eat healthier, lose weight, and increase my chances of a very long and productive life, it will not be for me.  I would just as soon die with a slice of pizza in one hand and a beer with a red vine straw in the other.  No, I am trying to be healthier - to slow my rate of decay and increase my half life- for the Lukas and Mrs. LIAYF.  I need to be there long term for both of them.

The thought of Lukas having to grow up, go off to college, get married, have kids of his own, and most of all watch the Mariners win their first world series without his father are tough to swallow.  I need to keep this in mind while I battle my junk food demons.  Ultimately, it will lead to better habits.

And a Full Life.

Dad's A-Z: G is for Glasses

Glasses fit for Superman

It was at his 4th year check up that we discovered Lukas had an issue with his eyes.  Well, eye actually but I will get to that.  At that check up, the nurse took him to do the eye exam for the first time.

I suspect that they waited until his 4th birthday, rather than doing one on his 3rd, because they assumed he would not be able to recognize his letters before then.  But he knew them at 3, so I am a bit upset with myself for not asking that they do the test back then.

During the exam, he rattled off several of the rows with his first eye.  His vision was 20/20. But   when he switched to the second, he immediately indicated that he couldn't see the top letter.  We assumed it was because he was holding his palm over that eye while reading with the first.  But subsequent tries yielded no better results.

We were shocked.  Really.  His eyes tracked perfectly, his depth perception seemed fine (he learned to ride his pedal bike at 3!), and he gave absolutely no indication he was having problems with that eye.

It turns out he has Ambleopia, a condition where one eye becomes dominant and the other doesn't develop as much even though it is functionally sound.   Some people like to refer to this as Lazy Eye, but we don't use the L word around here.  We just refer to his 'Strong' eye (As in The Force is Strong in that eye), which he undoubtedly received from Mrs. LIAYF.  The other? Yeah, that one would be from me.  I'm not joking about that either as I was recently diagnosed with a minor case of Ambleopia myself. Apparently I have had it all my life!  How ironic is it that I would find this out now, in a completely unrelated series of events? 

His Pediatric Ophthalmologist prescribed up to 4 hours a day of patching on the strong eye, to make his affected eye work, and subsequently strengthen.  She said it will take up to 5 years of this therapy, but that there is a very strong chance that his vision will be back to 20/20 in both eyes by then.  This is great news, especially since Lukas still aspires to be the first man to set foot on Mars.  He will need both eyes at 100%.

Along with the patching, she also prescribed glasses, which he will be wearing for the 5 years as well.    Thankfully, Lukas never complained about the glasses.  We let him pick them out himself.  He chose a stylish pair with red frames because "They look like glasses Superman would wear!"

Indeed.

5 years is a long time, and although we are glad he will get back to 20/20 Mrs. LIAYF and I wish we would have known sooner.  That might well have cut down on the time period for correction.

So, we would encourage parents of young kids to have their eyes checked as young as possible.  Even if they seem to have perfect vision.  It won't cost you anything, but it may just give you a jump on a problem that takes a long time to resolve.

Dad's A-Z: F is for Family Size

Help our family adopt a baby!  Check us out at Parent Profiles .

Lukas keeps asking Mrs. LIAYF and I when he is going to have a little brother or sister.

That's a good question.  I wrote a post back in September announcing that we were looking to adopt a second child. If you haven't already, go read it.  It says so much more than this post will.  Now, eight months later we are still waiting. Still waiting, as we like to describe it, for our 2nd child to choose us.

With busy lives, eight months can slip by seemingly in a heartbeat.  But it hasn't for us.  Not at all.

For us, each day of the past eight months of waiting has been it's own reminder that our home is overflowing with love and laughter.  That there is just too much of it for a mere 3 people to handle.  Way too much!

Now I don't mean to alarm anyone, but we are drowning in love and laughter here. It is filling up our rooms as it spreads itself through our open spaces. It's under our chins and rising as we have our heads pressed firmly against the ceiling.

Like I said, we are drowning here.

What we need is a sponge.  A perfect little child sized sponge to soak up all that extra love and laughter and set things to rights in our home.  To rescue us from our peril.  Is that too much to ask?  I think not.

Lukas is so helpful around the house too.  We know that he would do a terrific job of taking that sponge and helping it to soak up all the extra goodness that abounds here.

He even has a list of Big Brother Promises:

I want to hold the baby and read the baby books.

I want to show the baby the stars on my bedroom ceiling.

I want to teach the baby how to be safe and use good words.

I want to protect the baby from kids who are not nice.

I want to teach the baby  how to walk and ride a bike.

I want to be silly and make the baby laugh.

And, most of all, I want to hug and kiss the baby.

I will be a good big brother, I know I will.

We just need that sponge to, as we say, choose us.  For all our sakes, we hope that is soon.

For those interested, we still have an adoption badge over on the right hand column that you can grab the code for and paste on your site. If you decide to post it, we would be extremely grateful.

Also, we now have our very own adoption profile over at Parent Profiles .  Please, if you know of a prospective birth mother looking for a family to adopt her child, please consider referring her to us.  Via email would be best.

Thanks so much.

Dad's A-Z: E is for Energy Level

Off the Grid

I have this distinct memory from when Lukas was just an infant.  He was maybe 5 or 6 months old at the time and was lying on his back on his changing table. He was in a very happy mood.  This was probably because he had just pooped,  peed, or more likely had a serving of warm milk from Mom's vending machine.

Yes, that picture of him in and of itself would have been a memory to treasure.  But honestly, I must have seen him on his back a million times on that changing table. Often through blurry eyes.  No, this time was different.  As he lay there this particular time, Lukas was swinging his arms and kicking his feet very animatedly.  And very quickly too.

VERY quickly.  Think Hummingbird.  I was surprised we could even still see his hands and legs they were moving that fast.

It was at that point that I looked over at Mrs. LIAYF with what I'm sure was a look of astonishment on my face, and said "You know....we are going to have to keep up with that soon enough!"

We both laughed.

Fast forward 4 years.  Lukas is now running circles around his mother and I.  Literally.  We were out for a nice walk last weekend and Lukas was running around us as we walked.  He was also spinning in circles with his arms out to his side as he was running circles around us.  It was definitely not an atypical scene around here. If we could only find a way to harness this goldmine of power we'd be rich.  Rich I tell you.

And even if we didn't become rich, at least we could hook him back up to the grid and sell back the extra power. We could certainly use a few extra Washington's each month to help foot the water bill around here. Or the food bill.  Or the Lego bill.

That he is running circles around us is not surprising really.  After all,  Mrs. LIAYF and I are both looking at our 30's in our rear view mirror now.  We are not as energetic as we used to be for sure, but this kid is certainly full of it.  Yes, I mean energy.  Oh, and sweetness too, he's full of that.  He is an awesome kid and we extremely lucky to have him in our lives. But he IS hard to keep up with.

Not too long ago Mrs. LIAYF even made comment.  "Where does he get all that energy?"

Even though I knew it was a rhetorical question, I think I responded with an "Are you kidding me???"  Then a "He just slept for 12 hours!"  followed up with a parting "And he will be taking another nap soon  enough."  All this with a smile on my face.

I think I averaged about 5-6 hours a night this past week.   So yeah, maybe it's not age at all.  Maybe I just need to get to bed earlier.  Catch a few more Z's.  Then surely I will be able to keep up with Lukas, right?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

But surely it may close the gap, or at least slow it's expansion somewhat.  One can only hope.

What about you readers?  Do your kids run circles around you too?

Dad's A-Z: D is for Dirt

Got Dirt?

If it wasn't for dirt, Lukas may never have been born.

Allow me to explain.  It been16 years ago now - can I just pause here to say "Wow, how can it be 16 years already"? - when I was shooting pool at an Olympia, WA tavern after a long day of working on my farm (Yes, I used to be a farmer - The thing about the long hours: Not an exaggeration).   Well, I was about to put a dollar in the Jukebox when a very attractive barkeep pressed in front of me and said something to the effect of "It's time I played some real music!" before inserting a coin into the machine.

I might have audibly groaned at the time.  You see, I was convinced that she was about to choose a Country song.  And I wasn't a big Country music fan at the time.  But like I said, she was pretty, so I didn't press the issue. 

Then, when the music started, she just turned and gave me a smile.  She had a gorgeous smile. Scratch that, she HAS a gorgeous smile.

By saying if it wasn't for Dirt, I mean, of course,  the epic album titled Dirt by Seattle Rock legends Alice in Chains. The song  Mrs. LIAYF selected that  night was Rooster, off of that album Dirt.  I still can't hear it without thinking fondly of that fateful night.  Our first date was a week later.

So yes, if it wasn't for Dirt, Lukas may have never been born.  But I'd like to think it would have happened anyway.  I would have thought she was a knockout even if she had played Allan Jackson or George Straight.

But could this be the reason why Lukas is now so enamored with dirt?  Specifically piles of dirt?  The aforementioned Mrs. LIAYF and I recently bought him a brand new shovel of his own.  A real shovel (kid sized) with a sturdy metal spade.  We did this because he loves to dig so much.  In the DIRT, of course.

I might have lamented the Big Dirt Pile that hung around our place too long, but Lukas loved it.

In fact just last weekend he was a huge help as we planted out vegetable and herb boxes.  His was the herb box, and before we planted there he spent quite a while digging through the dirt in search of worms.  This brought back fond memories for me of digging worms as a kid, to use while fishing for trout down on the farm.  Lukas is just about the age where a fishing trip would be in order too so this dirt digging was good practice for him.

He found loads of worms too.  It was great watching him pick them up, name them, and deposit them in a corner of the box he declared was 'Worm City'.  If I remember correctly there was Dug, and Brandon (his best friend at pre-k), and Squirmy, and Squirmy 2, and Squirmy 3 among others.  The Squirmy brothers were especially active too, thus the name.  I have a theory that this is due to all the caffeine in the Seattle soil.  His box was probably the equivalent of a quad shot Mocha for those worms.

Then again, he may just like dirt because he is a 4 year old boy.  I would imagine dirt is not too far down the list from Lego's on most boys favorite toys list. Come to think of it, I had a pretty good time playing in the dirt myself.  Maybe it never gets old.

It's unfortunate that Dirt gets a bad rap most of the time, but around here we dig it quite a bit.

How about you readers?  Do your kids like to play in the brown stuff?

Dad's A-Z: C is for Confidence

The Cape is great for Confidence Building

I have mentioned here before that I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in myself growing up.  Although I was at the top of my class academically, albeit small in size, and fairly decent at sports - attending such a small school I was able to play on the varsity basketball, football, and baseball teams - I never developed the sense that I could be a leader among my peers. That I could overcome whatever adversity might come my way.  The effects of this has lingered with me in one form or another throughout my adulthood.

 I'm not exactly sure why this was.  Maybe it's just who I was, and to an extent probably still am. I did mention in a previous post how my moving up a grade in elementary school and into the same class as my brother may have affected my confidence growing up, but I'm sure there were more complexities involved.   I tended to avoid conversations about difficult topics with my parents, but probably needed to have more of them.

Now, that I am in my 40's, all grown up, and am a parent, thankfully I feel much differently.  Now, I am perhaps at times too confident that the decisions I make are the right ones when it comes to my parenting choices. That's why it's great to have Mrs. LIAYF at my side.  We can check each others logic, and also support each others actions.

But whatever those parenting choices entail because of my own experiences I want to be very careful to do whatever I can to make sure that, unlike me, Lukas grows up confident in himself.  I want him to know that he is a hard working and intelligent boy who can make sound decisions in the face of adversity.  To know that things will certainly not always go his way, but that he can think on his feet and mitigate those circumstances.  To know that he has a good head on his shoulders and that even though it may be extremely difficult at times, that he has the confidence in himself and the courage to do the right thing and make good choices.

How do I accomplish this?  I certainly won't do it alone.  Mrs. LIAYF is a hugely positive influence in Lukas' life. Likely more so than me.  So far together we have simply tried to reinforce in him on a daily basis that he is a good boy, who works hard towards his accomplishments.  When things upset him, we talk to him about what's causing that and help him work through how he can make himself feel better about the situation. We also positively reinforce when he thinks through a situation and makes a sound decision.

But most of all we let him know that he is loved, and that we will always be here for him when he needs us.

Of course, I am not 100 percent sure that all of the measures we are taking will have a long term positive impact on Lukas' confidence and self perception as he grows into a young man.  After all, he is our first child and is still only 4 years old.  What do we really know?

But it feels right.

And with plenty of love, encouragement and support, he will turn out just perfect.

Of that, I am confident.

Dad's A-Z: B is for Books

I debated a while over which way to go with this one.  I could have just as easily gone with Bicycle for this post.  That's because, as I posted here about a year ago, Lukas is already a pro with his two wheeler.

We started with a balance bike at 2 years old, then at 3 and a half it only took him 10 minutes to learn to use the pedal bike without training wheels.  If you have a toddler, I would highly recommend you start with a balance bike. We go out riding along Alki Beach in Seattle quite often and it was amazing the comments and looks we would receive trailing after a 3 year old who was pedaling along on a tiny bicycle.

But instead I decided to dedicate this Dad's A-Z post to Books, which are a huge part of Lukas' life.  Mrs. LIAYF and I started collecting books for Lukas before he was even born.  I even started to read to him each night while he was in utero.  Most often this was the classic Father/Son story 'Guess How Much I Love You'.  We had done a lot of research during the early stages of the pregnancy and believed that reading to him even before he was born would help him recognize our voices right away once he was born.  It worked.

From there we kept collecting books for him from used book stores, thrift stores, yard sales, and from gifts he had received.  We tried to be selective, looking mostly for books which were classics, award winners, or ones with exceptional illustrations.  And, even though we knew he couldn't understand us early on, we would still read multiple books to him on a daily basis.

I wrote a post back in July of 2010, called The Count where we tallied up the number of books we had accumulated at the time.  Amazingly it was over 250.  And we have collected hundreds more since then.

Lukas loves all these books.  Early on he started responding more and more to the chapter books with stories.  He obviously was understanding much more than even we realized.  Now he has a terrific memory for these stories.  We will pull a book off the shelf that we haven't read in well over a year and he will remember it line by line.

Even though we have such a large collection of kid books, Mrs. LIAYF is currently reading Lukas the complete Wizard of Oz series in digital format, a brand new medium to him, thanks to her Kindle.

(Classic @Seattledad tweet:  I wonder if my grandkids will ask me one day "Grandpa did you really once read of off really thin sheets of wood?")

I'm not sure what he thinks of digital books, but he is really enjoying the stories.  They are already on book number six.  Right now though his favorite book is indisputably  The Lego Star Wars Visual Dictionary. It's not a story book, but it combines his two favorite things right now, Legos and Star Wars which go together nearly as well as chocolate and peanut butter.

Obviously, Mrs. LIAYF and I are doing all we can to foster Lukas' love of the written word.  After all, we live in Seattle which is the most literate city in America.  The fact is, we have to be readers here since we spend nearly six months a year inside and out of the soggy rain.

No doubt Lukas will be reading chapter books on his own soon enough and will be padding that statistic.

But, no matter what form his future collection consists of, we are certainly happy that we are fostering his love of books.