Friday, June 25, 2010

The Terrible Myth

I am here today to debunk a myth.

Lukas turns 3 this weekend. I know, it would be cliche to say that it's hard to believe that three years have passed since he was born, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Man, it's hard to believe that it's been nearly three years since my son was born.

And, unless things go horribly wrong in the next 3 days and our son turns into some kind of Tasmanian Devil child who sprouts horns and spins around the house breaking everything we own before tying us up and forcing us to watch The Accidental Husband on an unending loop while force feeding me a bowl of warm cucumber slices and my wife cold black coffee, then I'll not have to eat that heaping plate of General Tso's crow by now declaring the following:

The Terrible Two's are a myth. And I'm here to bust that myth.

Of course, I have not done exhaustive research. Scratch that, I have done exhaustive research, but only on a limited data set. One child. And, like any good global warming detractor, I can extrapolate what ever the hell I want from this data. What I've come up with:

The Terrible Two's = Not so Terrible.

In fact, compared to the first two years with a child, which were fraught with sleep and communication issues, the past year has been simply Golden. I can talk a good talk, but you say you want evidence? Allow me to list a few of my talking points regarding the study and the benefits of the the third year.

1. 100% of the subject in the study have become fully conversational - No more incoherent babbling in our house - unless it is me before I've had my morning cup of Joe.

2. 100% of the subjects in the study now sleep in until 8:00 - No more 5:30 wake up calls. Enough said.

3. 100% of the subjects in the study are now fully coordinated - Hello! No need to hover within 3ft of him at all times.

4. 100% of the subjects in the study can now entertain themselves - Very rarely the case in the first two years but nice in the third. Helpful when you want a few minutes online.

5. 100% of the subjects now understand reason - Very helpful to be able to say stop whining or no ice cream and see the wheels turn resulting in your desired outcome. Nice.

And finally...

6. 100% of the parents in the study have thoroughly enjoyed the two's, and wouldn't trade them for a repeat of any other year.

I think that should silence any detractors. An unequivocal busting of the Myth that the two's are Terrible. I'm not sure what the three's will hold, but at the rate we are going I can't envision them to be all that terrible either.

So, it's finally goodbye to the two's. Truth be told I'm actually a little sad to see them go.

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WILLIAM said...

I agree. The Twos not so is the threes where they totally fuck with you.

Be prepared.

Jessi said...

I have to concur. With Brynna, the terrible threes were much, much more terrible. With Maren, well, let's just say the ones are pretty harrowing.

Unknown said...

Agrees with the two previous as well. The twos ain't nothing. Anna sprouted horns and spun her head around on a regular basis after she turned three.
We had a priest on call just in case.
Good luck, and may the force be with you. You'll need it.
And some beer.
Just sayin'

Eric - BHF said...

Well, my son has been 2 for about a month now, and I would have to say that he is a handful. Not sure if I would call it terrible yet, but lots of tantrums and screaming and stuff.... and I am still waiting for him to be conversational, fully coordinated, and sleep til 8:00 consistently!

Anonymous said...

I'm about to embark on "The Twos"... thanks for giving me some hope. J/k.

I think it's all in how you look at it. The two's get a bad rap and if you go into it with dread... it's going to be exactly that.

Didactic Pirate said...

First, happy birthday to Lukas!

I fully concur with your research. The good news is that the Terrible Twos are a myth.

The slightly-less-good news: It's really the Terrible Threes. In my experience, and that of many other parents, kids actually start testing their parents after turning three. It's a developmental thing. The concept of the terrible Twos was the product of someone who just really really liked alliteration.

That said, terrible or not, they're still incredibly fun and entertaining as they pass into the next year. Which means more good times for you, and more great blog posts for the rest of us to read.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday little dude and congrats Pop.

Steve said...

As you know, I agree.

And yes, Three was way worse than Two. But on the up-side, Four has been the best so far!

Pam said...

hey, you'll be wishing for the terrible threes when he's a if you ever have a daughter, it's gonna be double trouble lol

Mrs. M said...

Hope Lukas has a wonderful birthday. 2 was okay, 3 was hard, 4 is at times wonderful and at other times a nightmare. Mostly it's wonderful though. :)

Anonymous said...

Considering I am 1/6th of the way into the 2's I can only hope your research is accurate :)

Happy birthday Lukas!

Playstead said...

I agree with a couple of the other commenters -- it was the 3's that threw us for a ride. That's when my kids really sprouted opinions and their own way of doing things.

squirtsdad said...

Well, now that you've warmed up with "the twos", the real fun starts with "the threes". Good luck my friend. :)

Aimee said...

Twos are tough with a lot of kids.

Threes blow them out of the water. Good luck with that. ;)

Slamdunk said...

Happy birthday to your son.

I think each child is a little different and we had no fears of the 3s (which we will end with our twins in a few weeks).

You and your wife are doing all the right things and you'll greet the new age with the same humor and confidence that will continue to help your son grow into a compassionate adult.

Keith Wilcox said...

I agree! There were no terrible two's for us either. Terrible 7's? Hmmm, perhaps. But not two :-)

People in the Sun said...

No! Mine!

(I would give a lot not to hear these words again. Yet it's still the best age. So far.)

Ben said...

My son turns three in a few weeks' time, and we've not had any of these so-called Terrible Twos! It's the Terrible Teens I'm worried about!

lee said...

Some consider the two year old phase the 'first adolescence' which makes perfect sense because they are no longer babies and are becoming independent and learning how to exercise that independence. My daughter was so sweet when she was two, now that she is three, she is already becoming more defiant and disobedient. But still not terrible...

DGB said...

Three was worse, yes. But nobody talks about four. That's the big secret parents aren't talking about.